


Heartbeat

by listen_to



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Description of canontypical violence, F/F, Lena Luthor doesn’t know that Kara is Supergirl, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU if you squint, SuperCorp, identity crisis, identy reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2018-12-26 05:10:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/listen_to/pseuds/listen_to
Summary: Kara is aware of the heartbeats of her loved ones. But one heartbeat never leaves her. And it doesn't belong to the man in front of her.





	1. Exodus

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon until Exodus. In the first chapter I will steer away the characters from canon. You will recognise some of the dialogue in the first chapter but after that I will break away into an alternative plot line.
> 
> A heartfelt thank you goes to Khrat9 for constructive feedback and citing my own words back at me! That was necessary... :)

 

Kara pushed the button. She exhaled with her eyes squeezed shut. The article was blogged. Without Snapper Carr’s blessing, it was out in the open and warned National City’s alien population against the most recent and probably most dire thread from Cadmus. Mon-El smacked a kiss on her ear and mumbled something about getting chow. Despite the sensual overload in her hearing, the kiss and his words barely registered with Kara. The high from the excitement left her with a sense of vertigo.

Her cell phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, flashing her best friend’s name on the display. Kara snapped out of her daze and answered the call.

“Lena.”

Lena jumped right into business.

“I found something.” Kara had to smile at her friend's efficiency. “Activity at a Luthor facility that’s supposedly defunct.” Kara switched the phone to the other ear, the one that Mon-El didn’t smack into. Was there a shift in Lena’s voice? A strain? Yes. It was hardly noticeable, but a slight tremble was there that wasn’t there before. Lena’s heartbeat missed a beat. Kara closed her eyes and concentrated. Was everything all right at L-Corp? Only Lena continued her report on what she found as if nothing was wrong. “It is big enough to build almost anything.” Her heart rate picked up speed. Heavy steps came from the background. Two, maybe three persons? Kara’s internal alarms went off. “Or to hide something”, Lena concluded.

Then there was the electric crackling of a teaser, the cracking of a phone hitting the floor, the crash of a body collapsing into furniture.

Mon-El rummaged in the fridge. Kara jumped up from the chair and put a finger in the free ear to block him out.

“Lena?”

Lena didn’t answer Kara. Her pleading voice came from the distance: “Stay back!” Kara called her one last time. “Lena?” Only heavy steps and the clacking of heels on the balcony came over the phone.

Kara took off her glasses. Supergirl was in her suit and out of the window in the blink of an eye. Even city districts away, Kara’s senses zeroed in on Lena’s heartbeat. Closing in on L-Corp tower, she registered the sound of struggling that came from the top balcony. Lena screamed. Her heart beat went off like a sewing machine. And it descended towards the ground.

Fast.

Kara prayed to Rao not to be too late.

Faster.

Supergirl dived down, following the frantic heartbeat like a homing beacon.

_Lena!_

Got her.

_Lena._

Supergirl caught Lena Luthor twenty feet above the ground. At this point, Kara’s heart was in synch with the pounding in Lena’s the chest. Wordlessly, Kara pressed Lena against her body and Lena Luthor tightened her grip around Supergirl, burying her face in her neck. Everything went still except for the harmonious drumming in two voices.

Lena was the first to recover. She loosened her hold around Supergirl’s neck and cleared her throat. Kara gave her a once over and ascended towards the top floor balcony.

In perfect Supergirl composure, Kara stared down at the two intruders who were peering over the balustrade.

“Dropped something?”

 

###

It rained. Of course, it rained. The weather seemed to reflect Kara’s mood almost as this was its superpower. She sat in an open window of her apartment, looking down at the street without really seeing. She was listening to a heartbeat that had become her constant companion since everything escalated the day before. Kara replayed the events of last 24 hours in her mind. Blogging her article on the stolen alien registry, preventing Lena’s fall to certain death, stopping an alien spaceship from jumping lightyears away and rescuing Alex together with thousands of aliens from being deported to another galaxy by Cadmus, being fired by Snapper as a reporter at CatCo. Kara turned her head. From her position on the window sill, she was able to see the super-suit lying on the couch. Wearing it felt suffocating, but she didn’t want to put it out of reach in case of an emergency. Tears stung in her eyes; they refused to fall. Supergirl’s mission and Kara Danvers’ career stood diametral against each other. One seemed to cancel out the other and Supergirl was gaining the upper hand - as she always did in a fight. Kara sighed. The box with her personal things from her desk at CatCo sat buried deep in a bedroom cupboard. She didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to unpack it, either. That would count as Kara Danvers’ defeat and Kara wasn’t ready for that.

Sometime in between these events, the heartbeat had started to manifest itself in Kara’s subconsciousness. Being aware of someone else’s heartbeat was something she was used to. Kara heard the rhythms of those she cared for since she had landed on earth. Alex’s was the first one, than Eliza’s, and – until his disappearance – Jeremiah’s, too. That she hadn’t reconnected to him after his brief return was a sad thought for another time. Normally when she concentrated, Kara was able to tune into the rhythm of the person she was thinking of and then tune out again. This heartbeat was different. Liker her own heartbeat, like her breath, it was always there; it was permanent – not that she wanted to tune out of it anyway. Not now. Kara wrapped her arms around herself and let her head fall against the wall behind her, staring into nothing. The regular double-thump felt strong and warm. In all the chaos it was the one constant that kept her grounded. Kara remembered that she first became consciously aware of it while facing the back of a disappointed Snapper. Its soothing presence prevented her from breaking into tears in front of her boss while he was taking away Kara Danvers’s purpose in life. Ever since losing her job as reporter, the heartbeat was the anchor for her. It irked that she couldn’t locate whose rhythm it was. Locating the owner of a heartbeat was the hardest part and it didn’t help that she had no idea who to look for.

There was a knock on the door. Without checking who it was, Kara got up and opened it. She was greeted by the sight of Mon-El, holding up a bitten-into potsticker with chop sticks in one hand and carrying a take-way bag in the other one.

“Potstickers. Still piping hot.” Kara let out a laugh. Mon-El leaned: “Here, eat one.” He kissed her. “Or all of them. I promise you’ll feel better.”

Kara bit her lip. Was it Mon-El’s heartbeat? Why hadn’t she thought about him sooner? Against so many obstacles, they had grown so much closer in such a short time – from enemies to friends to lovers. This was the natural progression of their relationship, wasn't it? They were growing stronger as a couple. It had to be Mon-El’s.

She took the bag with the potstickers from him, shrugging.

“Ah, I don’t know.”

She didn’t have any appetite. The situation was way beyond the healing properties of comfort food.

Mon-El closed the door, his gaze never leaving her.

“Hey… Hey, you’re gonna get another job.”

Kara sits down at the dining table and puts down the bag, shaking her head. Of course, she could get another job. Getting another job wasn’t the problem. She didn’t really need to. J’onn had once offered her to work for the DEO full-time, hadn’t he?

“Yeah, but I… I don’t want another job. Reporting is my calling. I help people”, she said.

Mon-El followed her and came to a hold in front of the table.

“Yeah? You know who else does?

Kara knew what he was going to say but she asked anyway.

“Who?”

Mon-El kneeled down in front of Kara.

“Supergirl.”

Kara nodded and Mon-El nodded with her. Her mind wandered back to the box in the bedroom cupboard.

“When I write, I don’t need a yellow sun. It’s just me. Supergirl is what I can do. Kara is who I am.” Kara frowned. “I really loved that job.”

She looked to the side but Mon-El urged her to look back at him.

“Hey, you have so much to offer this world. So don’t let Snapper or anyone else tell your differently. OK?”, he said with a soft voice.

Kara took his face in her hands. His eyes closed. She shook her head. Something was off between his presents in front of her and the rhythm in her conscious. Pushing the thought aside, Kara pecked him on the lips and leaned back. She watched as Mon-El re-opened his eyes dreamily. Mon-El, her boyfriend, looked at her with so much adoration and a dopey grin. In a novel, she had read that one could have everything, a good job, a nice apartment, a great relationship. Just not at the same time. Was that true for her life and balancing out Supergirl, her career as a reporter, and being in a happy relationship? Right in that moment it felt true.

“You know something?”, she asked.

Kara stroked Mon-El’s cheeks with her thumbs. His three-day beard felt scratchy under her touch.

“What?”

She glanced at the super-suit for a moment over her shoulder. Kara turned back and looked Mon-El in the eyes.

“Maybe being Supergirl and having you is enough.”

He smiled.

“You think so?”

Did she really think so? Did she? This was it. The big moment to make a life altering decision. She still wanted it all, but how did she get it? The answer came with the voice of Cat Grant. _How about we start small and work our way up?_ Didn’t Miss Grant lecture her about learning curves when she first started as Supergirl? She could have it all, but she had to work for it. Kara had a handle on being Supergirl by now. Learning to be in a relationship and learning to be a reporter maybe was taking on way too much way too fast. She had to put something on the back burner to make it all work in the end.

Kara made the decision.

“Yeah.”

She leaned in. Mon-El met her half way. He broke the kiss and whispered against her lips: “I hope so.”

Kara chuckled. She kissed him once more and put a hand on his chest, right above his heart. Kara frowned. The rhythm thumping under her palm didn't match the rhythm she had been hearing all day. Mon-El heart was pumping steadily, even a little slower as the average human being, probably due to his Daxamite physiology. The heartbeat she was hearing was human. And right in this moment it sped up in excitement for three beats.

###

_In the meantime, in another part of National City…_

Lena had starred at a blueprint for so long that the lines, symbols, and numbers lost their meaning. As a matter of fact, the characters seemed to re-group themselves like the fish swarm in _Finding Nemo_ just to give her the finger. She pinched the bridge of her nose and let her head fall against the backrest of her desk chair. Swirling around, Lena reached for the wine glass standing beside her laptop. She let the red liquid swivel in the glass and sniffed the fumes wafting up. She detected traces of dark chocolate, a body of plums, the slight edge of pepper. She tilted the glass to another angle. There. A hint of oak from the maturing process in barique became more apparent.

Why did she know _Finding Nemo_? Oh, right. Kara had shown her a video clip last week to emphasise the importance of taking a break and the helpfulness of animated films in the process of relaxing. Her friend was on a mission and Kara’s highest objective was that Lena should take better care of herself. Lena was open to the idea of watching silly movies in sweat pants at home eating junk food. She really was - especially after yet another near death experience the day before because three of her mother’s goons threw her of her own balcony. Only she dreaded the silence that came inevitably after the closing credits.

After being swivelled around, the wine ran in thick streaks along the tulip-shaped body of the glass .

Lena wished she could accept Kara’s offer to have a movie night, only that night was not an option. Kara had to deal with her own reality of being sacked from the job she loved. Lena wished, just the two of them could leave the world behind for some hours and be each other's safe place in their respective moments of crises. Only Kara had someone else to be there for her, someone who was not Lena. Mike. Her boyfriend Mike.

The dark red liquid caught the light of her desk lamp and drew pink spots on her desk. Lena flicked a finger against the wine glass. The glass sang on a high note with long-lasting sustain.

Lena amused herself with the image of Supergirl launching on the couch with her, munching popcorn in her super-suit, cape and boots discarded on the side; but the thought was too surreal to last. No. Lena was on her own if she wanted to escape reality for a few blissful hours filled with a bit of silliness.

Finally, Lena took a sip of the wine. The liquid ran dark and warm down her throat. The alcohol warmed her belly and her nether regions. The feeling reminded her of another warmth she craved. She let out a sharp laugh. Being held by Supergirl during a rescue mission and getting friendly hugs from Kara were the most intimate physical contacts she had since her arrival at National City. Sometimes it seemed that it was all there was left for her. What a pathetic thought.

She gulped down the rest of the wine. It burned her throat.

Her phone vibrated and flashed the image of a woman with blue eyes and blond hair into the night. The notification announced a text message. With a rush of excitement punctuated by three quick beats of her heart, Lens read it.

**[Natalie:]** Hey sexy, I’m coming to in National City in two weeks. Do you want to get together for old time's sake?


	2. Not a Reporter Anymore - Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a hard time dealing with the fact that she lost her job at CatCo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long time between the updates. I admit that I had a hard time writing Kara and Mon-El as a couple. But it will be only a matter of time...
> 
> And thanks again, Khrat9, for quoting my own words back at me. :)

 

 

Kara sat upright in bed, starring down at a softly snoring Mon-El. Even after three hours, the sight of her peacefully sleeping boyfriend didn’t help her find some peace of mind, to find sleep. The mysterious heart beat was soothing her. A little bit. Not enough. Kara wished she could listen to it lying on the chest of its owner or feeling it thumping under her palm. Kara buried her face in her hands. This wasn’t helping at all this yearning for a faceless ghost while her boyfriend was lying beside her. It wasn’t fair to Mon-El.

6:45 a.m. The radio alarm clock started to play National City’s local news station. The news anchor was in the middle of the economy section. Kara listened up when he mentioned Lena and one of her charities but tuned out again when he started to recite L-Corp’s stock prices and to ponder the company’s prospects in the stock market in the light of the latest Cadmus coup. Kara snorted. The latest Cadmus coup, her downfall as a reporter. She glanced at Mon-El. He didn’t seem to be bothered by the radio or her little outburst.

She tried tune in on his heartbeat but she just couldn’t find it. Why, though? Mon-El was a good man. It didn’t matter to her that he sometimes had the enthusiasm of an overexcited puppy. He had come a long way since they first met. She was really thankful for his unwavering support in her decision to bypass Snapper’s final verdict to not publish her article and blog the story on her own. Would she do it again? She was able to warn so many aliens. Yes. But what will she do in the future? She replayed a conversation snipped in her mind.

_Maybe being Supergirl and having you is enough._

_You think so?_

_Yeah._

The memory of that little dialogue left a stale taste on her tongue. Sleeping over it didn’t help. Was being just Supergirl really enough? Heaviness spread from her chest in her arms and legs like molten lead.

6:59 a.m. turned into 7:00 a.m. The two bell alarm clock went off at its usual time - time to wake up to go to CatCo. Yes, she was a two alarm clock kind of girl. Mon-El grunted in his sleep, rolled on his belly, and stuck his head under his pillow. Kara leaned over to stop the blaring sound. She sat cross-legged on the bed, resting her head in her hand, elbow on her knee. Normally the second alarm would rip her from the snooze she indulged in after the radio alarm set of. Normally, she would have worked a double shift as both a reporter at CatCo and as Supergirl the day before. Normally, this would be the prompt for her to swing her legs out of the bed, to shower with the news on TV as a background sound. Supergirl would scan the headlines for any threats to her city while Kara Danvers would do the same with the focus on possible pointers to good stories. For breakfast, a coffee and sticky buns to go from Noonan’s would have to do.

Normally she would be a reporter doing her job.

Mon-El’s hand started to wander over the sheet in search of her. Kara ignored it and got up from the bed. A groan came from under the pillow and the wandering hand turned into a grabby hand. She patted it and stepped away from the bed.

Kara stood in the middle of the bed room, uncertain what to do. There was no need to shower right away. She could do a really crazy thing and have breakfast in her pjs at home on a working day. How exiting! Kara rolled the eyes at herself but padded into the kitchen anyway.

#

Her coffee was cold as were her pancakes. When was the last time one of her pancakes had the chance to get cold? How did that happen? Kara had starred blankly on the TV screen, letting the news wash over her without really hearing anything. The flipping of the small clock in the right top corner of the screen was more fascinating. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about her daily job routine at CatCo she was not allowed to follow anymore. Right at that moment, James would call his crew into the office with the glass front and the multimedia wall behind the desk for the daily briefing. What stories presented themselves? What scoop was required? What narratives needed to be taken control of? Where would exclusive material come from? What sources needed to be activated? James and Snapper would butt their heads in their usual power struggle over some story and how to cover it. Kara could almost hear them bicker. The present reporters would look everywhere but at them while they waited to get their next assignments. For that day, Kara had a pitch prepared for a coverage on social responsibility of mayor companies in National City. L-Corp was supposed to be a positive example. The folder with her notes was still in her bag waiting to see the daylight. The idea went on the back burner while the Cadmus situation escalated. It was supposed to be pulled into the front again right that moment. Without CatCo in Kara’s back, who would publish it? The idea was doomed to go to waste.

Should she continue the blog or would that just drive her further away from her dream to be a respected reporter who can make a difference with her articles. Kara slapped her forehead and rested her head in her hand, her elbows propped up on the kitchen island. Why was she so frozen? Why wasn’t she more angry? She had anger issues, for Rao’s sake! Why wasn’t she fighting more?

Her shoulders sacked. It was a situation that called for a sister night. She went over to her bag and searched for her phone. But where did the Danvers sisters stand? The last time Kara had talked to Alex, her sister had questioned Kara’s status as a member of the Danvers family. The last time, they had one on one contact, they had been separated by a thick front window of a spaceship but despite the separation they were able to communicate their love and support for each other. Kara flopped on the couch and sighed. This was yet one more construction site in her life she needed to take care of. She started to write a text. How was she supposed to ask for sister night without asking for sister night? They needed to come clean before they approach other crises in their lives together as The Danvers Sisters again. Kara tapped at the display to delete the message in the input field only and started again.

Write, delete, repeat. Five times.

„Hey babe, I was thinking…“ Kara startled and looked up. Mon-El came into kitchen only wearing sweet pants. He was running a towel through wet hair. “…now that you are free from CatCo, we could do some extra super hero training sessions at the DEO. What do you think, Supergirl?“

Kara puffed out her cheeks. She looked down at the display of her phone. Mon-El’s sudden entry had caused her to hit several keys and the send button by accident. The message to Alex looked like Kara had sneezed onto the keyboard. The animated ellipsis appeared indicating that Alex was typing and than there were three question marks as response. Kara sighed with relief. At least Alex was talking to her. That was a start on that front.

„Kara?“

Kara looked up at him. Sparring with Mon-El? It was something to do other than watching time go by. She was able to hit something.

„Sounds good.“

#

Kara landed on her back and cursed her cape. As much as it supported her aerodynamics while she was flying, it was her Achilles' heel in a fight. Edna Mode from _The Incredibles_ did have a point when it came to capes. It could someday prove to be a death trap for her. Kara never wanted one in the first place. How many times did one of her opponents manage to break her flow and render her helpless for a brief moment just by pulling at her cape? That is what Mon-El had managed to achieve at this moment. He outmanoeuvred her by grabbing it while she was in the high peak of a flip in the air. His move resulted in her crash on the ground.

Mon-El bend over her with a boyish grin, resting his hands on his knees.

„This was almost too easy, Supergirl. We’ve been only sparring for fifteen minutes and you are already down.“

He offered a hand to help her up from the ground.

Kara huffed. She needed to talk to Winn about modifications for her suit.

Instead of taking Mon-El’s hand, she made a turn kick aiming for his knees and knocked him of his feet. It was his turn to hit the floor. Kara jumped up, took a little run up, and let herself fall on his chest. Her elbow bored into his sternum. Mon-El let out a heaving sound but there was no cracking of bones thanks to his Daxamite physiology. This little stunt was nothing Kara should do in a fight with a human without safety measures in place. Supergirl does not kill and this move would result in a rather messy death for a human. Mon-El groaned and stayed on his back, arms and legs spread to all sides like a turtle flipped on its shell. She smirked. That was how wrestler did it, didn’t they? Maybe he would think twice the next time before he made her watch three Wrestling matches in a row.

Kara got up again and casually walked over to a water bottle that was placed on the side of the training area. It was filled with an isotonic drink for Kryptonians in training.

„You were saying?“ She said casually over her shoulder.

Mon-El couched a few times, rolled on his side, probed up one elbow, and watched her. Kara turned her back on him with a swinging cape and bend down to pick up the bottle. The cape fell to one side. A cold draft brushed against the back of her exposed thighs and even sneaked a little bit under her skirt. She straightened up, readjusted the cape, and took a sip from the beverage.

„How do you feel about wearing the suit, when I come to your apartment tonight.“

Kara sprayed her drink into the air and swirled around. Mon-El winked at her and flashed her a you-know-what-I-mean grin. Kara tried to find words, at loss what to say. She wasn’t against role play in the bed room per se and might try it herself one day. She also knew that a lot of people out there had a polyester knock off of her super-suit right next to an old cheerleader uniform or a slutty nurse costume in the back of their closet to spice up their bed room activities. That was O.K. - or so Kara guessed. But she didn’t want to have Supergirl in her own bed room. Supergirl was a persona, a mask to show the world. Supergirl was not a real person, not the real Kara. And Kara wanted everything that happened in her bedroom to be real.

She stared at him with a slack jaw. Mon-El opened his mouth, probably to argue.

The door opened. Kara never had been so thankful for an interruption. Alex came into the room. Her gaze flicked between the two. Kara set her jaw. Alex gave her a knowing look. They hadn’t been able to talk properly since their text exchange but the brief non-verbal communication at that moment showed Kara that they were going to be alright. Alex flashed her a small smile before she schooled her face in a businesslike manner, folding her arms before the chest.

„Supergirl, we have an emergency. Cadmus.“

Kara nodded at Alex, squared her shoulders, and Supergirl followed Agent Danvers out of the room. Kara gave Mon-El a last glance over her shoulder before she stepped into the main observation area of the DEO head quarters.

She really, really did need to talk with Winn about the suit.

#

„This is a superhero suit, not a cabriolet. You can’t just push a button and the cape vanishes.“

Winn’s voice came out of the speaker of her phone.

„Winn, isn’t there any alien technology you can work with?“

She arranged her pizza slices on a four plates. There were four in total. Two slices per pizza went on a plate so she always had a choice on each plate. Did that make sense?

„I will look into the archives but I won’t promise anything.“ Something rustled through the line. „Why do you want to lose the skirt, though?“

Well, why? Kara didn’t want to explain that. She paused while she emptied the sour cream she had ordered as a side into a bowl. Think, Kara, think.

„I have the feeling, that I grew out of the skirt. It reminds me too much of a school uniform. I want trousers - you know, I mean - they work for Superman.“ She nodded to emphasise her point although Winn was not able to see her. „They are more practical in a fight. Yes, this is, what it’s all about, practicality in a fight. I want a suit that is more suitable for fights - no pun intended.“

The pun was so intended. She was a writer after all. Words were her most lethal weapons.

„All right. I will see what I can do.“ Winn’s voice almost drowned in more rustling at the other end of the line. „I’m off. I will meet James for some Guardian-ing. Guardian stuff?“ Kara rolled her eyes. „Vigilante-ing? Ahhh. You know what I mean. Anyway, I let you go and be with Mon-El. Say hello from me!“

The line was dead before Kara could even say that Mon-El wasn’t there. After coming back from the presumable Cadmus emergency - it turned out that some rogue aliens tried to pillage the launch area of the Cadmus space craft only to find it destroyed - she told Mon-El that she wanted some alone time to clear her head. After an argument of twenty minutes he had accepted her wishes. That was how she ended up alone on her couch with her favourite pizza selection, two blankets, and the power over the remote control to browse the channels freely.

She regarded the display of food in front of her. Four pizzas, sour creme, coke. Something was missing. A garlic dip perhaps? She could whip something up with some fresh garlic, mayonnaise and ketch up. Or an avocado dip? Did that work with pizza? Kara shook her head. No, she was not about to start some low key cooking while a perfect offer of take out was right in front of her. What was the next step? Grieve baking?

Kara was a little bit bumped that she missed Lena in her office. She wanted to see how Lena was doing after yet another near death experience - this time of being thrown off the balcony. When Kara had gone to L-Corp to see if Lena was up for an late after-noon coffee break or even an early dinner, Jess had brushed her off with the information that Miss Luthor was out of town. Where was Lena? Of course she wasn’t obligated to tell Kara about her whereabouts but you do tell you friends when you leave town for a longer period of time, don’t you? And Kara liked to think that Lena and her were friends even if Lena needed a little bit more practice in being a friend. Kara needed that, too, to be honest. She reached for her phone. Should she just text Lena? Should she dare to call Lena?

The ring tone for video calls chimed from her phone. Lena’s name flashed on the display. That was a welcome surprise. Kara reached for her glasses before she accepted the call. Lena appeared on the display, with her hair down and with glasses on her nose. Was Lena Luthor wearing a hoodie? She looked as if she had been caught of guard somehow, although she was the one calling.

„Lena?“

Kara detected a quickening of the ever present heartbeat. Interesting. Was that a coincidence? That was something she should continue to keep an eye on.

„Kara, hi… Hi!“

###

_In the meantime miles away from National City…_

Lena loosened the tight bun that knotted back her hair, stripped out of her business attire, removed make up and contact lenses, and finally rummaged through her suitcase to find a sweatshirt and pyjama bottoms. She spun around on her bare feet, taking in the hotel room and sighed. The first day of the symposium she visited was very enlightening from a scientific and engineering perspective but the networking that came with it took its toll. She had just stayed long enough during the after dinner socialising to avoid the chasers for conference hook ups. There was little left to do for her in the seminar hotel placed in the middle of a vineyard in California. She opened the balcony door and looked outside. The landscape of Napa valley was nice to look at and one could see the stars without light pollution at night. But the view took her only so far when it came to take her mind if things. And it was oh so fucking quiet. No cars, no sirens, no swooshing of a red cape. Just the occasional rustling of leaves or the cry of an animal interrupted by floating pieces of conversation from downstairs. Awful.

Lena popped open the bottle of a champagne brand that was produced on the estate and cracked open the packet of cheese crackers - a gift for every conference attendees with compliments of the hotel management. She sniffed at a cracker. Strawberries would be nice to have with the champagne. Then again champagne and strawberries were best consumed in company while soft jazz played in the background. Lena popped a cracker into her mouth and took a sip from the champagne. They were just fine for the occasion. She placed the glass and snacks on the bedside table and searched for her glasses in her bag.

Lena glanced between the TV and her laptop that allowed her access to Netflix. A movie would be a nice companion for winding down after the first conference day. Lena took the remote, switched on the TV, and flopped onto the bed. Netflix required too much active decision making and Lena was exhausted after all the panels and the socialising. She zapped through the channels. A documentary? No, she had heard enough science talk for one day. A Nora Ephron romcom from the 1980s? No, Lena wasn’t in the mood for watching someone else getting their happy ever after, even if it was a classic with an iconic orgasm in public. A western? Not her favourite choice, but she left it up to The Magnificent Seven to fill the silence of the valley.

After the seven gun men managed to come together finally, Lena lowered the volume of the TV and started to check her messages and mails on her phone. Her gaze landed on a certain text message. She starred at Natalie’s invitation. Lena had still to give her an answer. Lena let her self fall on the comforter. To be honest, she still had to give herself an answer if she wanted all the benefits of that invitation. Had she ever hesitated to accept in the past? A meeting with Natalie promised a nice escape from her everlasting attempts on her life, from her aching heart. Just for a few hours. Lena couldn't lie, it was tempting. Why did it feel like cheating?

With a sigh, Lena scrolled to her contact app and found the entry labelled Kara Danvers. She opened it and looked at the contact image. Originally, Jess had put in the CatCo logo as contact picture but when Kara had found out about it, she had replaced it with a selfie of herself and Lena during one of their coffee breaks. Lena was sitting behind Kara and had one hand on her shoulder while Kara was leaning into her. The picture was taken from a slight bird’s eye perspective and both their smiling faces filled the frame. Lena liked the picture. They both seemed at ease, happy, and casual. She tapped on the thumbnail, trying to enlarge the image to a more satisfying scale. The attempt was futile. Lena wondered if the original image was still stored in the photo app or if Jess had already downloaded it to keep the phone storage free for business files.

A howl outside startled her. She jerked her head in the direction of the noise. Where there wolfs in this part of the country? Lena wasn’t cut out for too much nature around her. Another sound made her heart jump. That one was even scarier than a possible wolf. The dial tone for video calls.

„Lena?“

Lena almost dropped the phone. Kara’s voice came out of its speakers. And what was worse, Kara’s face was on full display, showing her in her apartment, clad in a blue sweat shirt with _Power to the Girls_ printed over the chest.

„Kara, hi… Hi!“

Lena must have hit the video call button by accident when the howl startled her. How could she explain this to Kara? So far, they only had exchanged text messages and met in her office or in a restaurant, café, or bistro during lunch. Long, girly phone calls wasn’t what they did, let alone video calls. Well, it wasn’t something that Lena did - mostly for the lack of partners.

„This is a nice surprise. I came by your office today and tried to meet you for lunch, but Jess only said that you were out of town. She was quite secretive about it. Where are you?“ Kara said. She didn’t seem to be alienated by the sudden change in their communication habits. On the contrary, she was delighted to see Lena - if Lena read Kara’s smile correctly. Maybe she should just go with the flow? She muted the TV.

„I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you in the midst of all the chaos. Well, I almost forgot to go at all if it hadn’t been for Jess and her tight regiment over my calendar. I’m at a symposium for nanotechnology. It is organised by The Society for Applied Science. They invited us to California. I’ll be away for three days.“

„Nanotechnology? What L-Corp project is dedicated to nanotechnology?“

„None. It is something I was very invested in before…“ Lena swallowed and waved a hand. It was not the time to talk about Jack. It had been surprisingly unexciting to see him face to face for the first time since the break up. He had looked at her with large, soulful eyes and she was able to smile back at him politely without a twinge in her stomach. „… before I became involved in the family business.“

Kara brought the phone closer to her face.

„So this has nothing to do with L-Corp?“

Lena raised an eyebrow and smiled.

„Is this conversation off the record, Miss Danvers?“ Lena teased. Kara looked to the side but the sad expression that flashed on her face didn’t go unnoticed. Lena slapped her hand over her mouth. It was supposed to be a joke. Of course this wasn’t an impromptu interview. Did Lena overstep? She was so stupid, so insensitive. Kara had just been fired as a reporter at CatCo the day before. Lena reached out and felt silly. The only thing she could really touch was the cold surface of a smart phone display, not her friend.

„Kara.“

Kara tilted her head back towards her camera. She looked slightly over the rim of her glasses. She tried to raise an eyebrow but her mouth twitched. Lena chuckled with relief. Kara couldn't quite pull off that look. And it was the closest that Lena had seen Kara without glasses. Odd angle, but interesting.

„Do you really need to ask? Every conversation between us is off the record by default.“ And back was the warm Danvers smile in frontal view. „Especially when we are both in sweats and pjs and you are wearing glasses.“ Kara giggled. „This is the first time I see you in something casual.“ She fell back into the cushions of her coach. The image on the display caused Lena to feel a little seasick. „Tell me more about your conference.“

And Lena did. Leaving the aftereffects of the near death experience, the unnecessary social gatherings downstairs, the remote location of the conference, she was rather pleased to be there. The invitation had been issued to Lena Luthor, M.A. and alumnae of MIT, not the CEO of L-Corp. Her academic self was asked to hold the key note address the next day and to moderate the main panel of the last day. Her achievements as a researcher were acknowledged, something that she did outside the Luthor bubble - something that didn’t happen very often.

After Lena finished her report of the what was going to happen between the grapes, their conversation drifted of to other topics. Kara started to feast on her seemingly endless supply of pizza while Lena picked up her champagne and the crackers again.

Suddenly, Kara pointed at her TV.

„ _Casablanca_ is about to start. Wanna watch it together?“

Lena happily switched the channel and settled back into her cushions.

One and half hours later, the line between National City and a vineyard only transported over the ether the soft snorers of two friends sleeping comfortably together in separate bedrooms while Humphrey Bogart walked with Claude Rains into the fog and stated:

“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”


	3. Life after CatCo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is life treating Kara without her reporter job at CatCo? And will Kara finally find out for sure whose heartbeat she is hearing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another chapter! I'm sorry, that it takes me so long to update. For some reason, this story presents itself in circles in my mind while I have to publish it in a linear manner and it changes all the time. But there is an underlying concept and I will see it through. You might have noticed that I set a total number of chapters now.
> 
> Fair warning: In this chapter, the angst will take up a notch.
> 
> Please enjoy.

 

Kara sat at the river bank on the bench where Alex had come out to her a few weeks earlier. She closed her eyes and scanned the surrounding cacophony for Alex's signature heartbeat. It took Kara a moment to find it. There it was. Alex's heart thumped in a crisp contrast against the background noise of squeaky tiers and roaring car engines, the cries of seagulls and the cooing of pigeons, the conversations between park visitors and the tapping on smartphone displays. Alex's heartbeat was strong, and it was coming towards Kara at a steady pace.

There was something else about Alex's heartbeat. It complemented Kara's permanent companion. Like two voices in a piece of music, they formed a jazzy groove. Sometimes they were in harmony, sometimes they were a bit off beat. They were always in conversation with each other. Bringing her own rhythm into the mix, Kara listened to her personal song.

Somebody cleared their throat. Kara opened her eyes. Alex was standing in front of her with a tray holding two to-go coffee cups and a jumbo-sized box with baked goods.

Kara grinned. "I believe, the last time you bought doughnuts in the middle of the day you were confused over your feelings for Maggie." Alex raised an eyebrow. "Are we facing another emotional crisis?" Kara asked lightly. Alex shuffled with her feed. Kara eyed the box. The doughnuts didn't come just from any food franchise shop. The logo on the box came from the fancy bakery near L-Corp where everything from the dough over the filling to the frosting was hand-made in the shop. "Why does this box look like an embodiment of an apology?"

Alex sat down and lifted the lid of the box. She presented the sugary goodness towards Kara for her to choose first and peered over the edge of the lid.

"Because it is one. Everything happened so fast, Dad disappearing again, the alien jump ship, you losing your job. We didn't have the chance to talk about what happened with Dad." Alex set the box down. She waved at Kara to choose a doughnut first. „I said awful things to you.“

Kara went for a classic Boston cream with shiny chocolate frosting.

"No. Please. I'm sorry, you felt that you couldn't share your plans with me. You went alone into the heart of CADMUS’s headquarter because you didn't trust me enough." Kara hat a déjà-vuesque feeling when she said that. They needed more Danvers sisters' quality time. "I almost lost you. I don't know what I would have done if that space frigate made the jump to Tarkon-Galtos." Kara bit into the offering of carbs and calories. She mulled over her last statement while admiring the custard filling dotted with the little black seeds indicating the use of fresh vanilla pods instead of vanilla extract. That doughnut wouldn't last long. "That's not true. Right now, Winn would be rebuilding that portal Roulette used for her slave trafficking ring. Maggie and I would be taking turns glaring at him."

Alex huffed out a laugh and went serious again. "Kara, I should have never…" Alex rubbed her forehead. "I questioned that you were part of our family." Kara tried to protest, but Alex held up a hand. "Kara, I was blinded by my happiness to have him back. I would have never thought he even considered deporting aliens to another galaxy."

Kara lifted the box from between them and put it on the other side. Then, she slid closer to Alex. "Stop. We are family. Jeremiah is family - where ever he is now, whatever he had done out of a misguided sense of fatherly duty. Nothing can change that. We will figure it out in time and most importantly we will figure it out together." Kara hugged Alex and spoke in a low voice into her ear. "Family means never having to say you're sorry."

Alex readjusted herself and laid her head on Kara's shoulder.

"The line goes: ‚Love means never having to say you're sorry.'" Alex emphasised the word love with a squeeze. "You watched _Love Story_ again." Alex leaned back without letting Kara go.

Kara glared at her. "Seriously, Alex. You use bathos to diffuse the tension of this sincere moment of sisterly bonding?" Alex gave Kara a look she usually reserved for intimidating Winn. Kara continued unimpressed: " _Love Story_ was on TV last night and Lena had never watched it. Can you believe it? That movie is a must-see classic. I owed it to film history to watch it with her."

Alex entangled herself from the hug, reached around Kara, and snatched a doughnut from the box. Dark chocolate with white chocolate sprinkles.

"Bathos?" She asked.

Really? Alex went for bathos? Kara was sure Alex's eyebrows had been quivering when she had mentioned Lena.

"Yes, bathos. When you switch the tone from serious to trivial for comedic effect, or here for comic relieve", Kara said. Alex raised an eyebrow. Kara held her gaze and shrugged. "I'm not just a pretty face with a cape. I am a writer. I know this kind of stuff."

Alex picked at the sprinkles of her doughnut. For a badass secret agent, she failed miserably every time she tried to interrogate Kara. And people said Kara was the one who wasn't sneaky.

"You watched it with Lena? Didn't you say she was out of town?"

_Toldya._

Kara scanned the content of the box. A doughnut with the rainbow sprinkles had her name on it.

"She is coming home today. We face-timed while watching it." Kara smiled at the memory. Of course, they had first gone dutifully through Lena's notes for the panel she had to moderate the next morning. It was nice to find out little things about Lena. During their second video call, Kara learned that Lena was always nervous before public appearances. This bit of information took Kara by surprise. Lena never showed any nerves on stage. Her secret was that she practised all her speeches with scripts peppered with pencil marks to remind her when to take a deep breath. Kara also learned that Lena had no knowledge of movie classics or watching movies in general. Lillian hadn't allowed her frivolities like watching TV. It was a shame, though. Lena was an invested movie watcher. She loved to comment on everything that was going on on the screen, but she wasn't cut out for watching romances alone. Kara had to suppress a smile at the memory of Lena cringing during the kitschiest declaration of love in _Love Story_ or of Lena crying when Jenny died. Oh, how Kara had wanted to be at Lena's side at that moment instead of peering at a small display.

Alex's voice summoned Kara back to the present.

"And Mon-El?"

It was Kara's turn to pick at the sprinkles of a doughnut.

"He was working at the bar again."

"Is everything ok with you two?"

Kara wished she could say yes. They had been through a lot and so much made sense about them as a couple, sharing the experience of losing a home planet, being the among the lasts of their kind and all that. Still, Kara felt that something was wanting in their relationship.

Alex didn't seem to need a verbal answer. She slung an arm around Kara's shoulder and pressed her to her side.

"I know that it wasn't easy for you to find someone to have a full relationship with. I know I encouraged you to open up to him. But if being with Mon-El causes you to make too many concessions or compromises…" Alex hooked a finger under Kara's chin and forced her to look at her. "Promise me that you take good care of yourself."

Kara nodded. There was a sting behind her eyes. Alex pressed a kiss to Kara's temple. Everything went quiet and peaceful for a moment.

A vibration went through Kara's bag. With an apologetic smile, Kara reached for her phone. Lena's name and contact image flashed on the display. It was a screenshot from their first video call session. Of course, out there was a flood of pictures depicting Lena Luthor that Kara could have used for that purpose - press photos and polished marketing shots. She wanted a candid portrait of her friend in her contacts, not one of some random CEO. The only selfie they had ever made was on Lena's phone. In the screenshot, Kara had managed to capture a frame filling bust portrait of Lena. Lena was laughing with her head down, eyes up, cheeks flushed. She ran one hand through her hair. A little thumbnail of a mischievously grinning Kara hovered just below Lena's collarbone. During that call, Lena had been so relaxed and happy. Kara was happy that she had managed to capture this side of Lena. She loved the picture. Of course, Kara had asked Lena's permission to use it before she saved it. She was all about consent.

With one glance at the display, Alex stood up and placed the doughnut box beside Kara on the bench. She mouthed ‚Call me later'. Whistling the _Love Story_ title theme, Alex headed in the direction of the DEO headquarters. Kara didn't even wait for Alex to get out of earshot before she answered the phone.

"Lena."

There it was, the quickening of the ever-present heartbeat, like every time when Kara was on the phone with Lena.

"Hi, I'm calling to announce that I'm safe back home in National City. Just as I promised." Lena's voice sounded cheerful through the speaker.

"Do you have time for lunch or coffee?"

Kara missed seeing her friend in person and she died to test her theory that it was Lena's heartbeat she was hearing.

"Don't tempt me, Kara. As much as I'd love to see you, there is so much that needs my attention after these three days of absence." Lena sighed. "You should see the sheer number of messages that Jess and Hector left for me. It is insane." The fanfare of a booting computer rang out in the background. "I came straight from the airport to the office."

Kara nodded to herself. As much as she wanted to test her theory, Lena had an important job to do. No-one could blame Kara if she tried to buy a few more minutes on the phone with Lena, though.

"How was your panel?"

There was rustling of paper and a thud of a folder landing on carpet.

"I'm not sure. I had to deal with three men. One was stunned into silence, one talked like a robot and looked at me as if I was an alien, and one wasn't able to give a straight answer to my questions without making it sound lewd."

Kara chuckled.

"If _Big Bang Theory_ is anything to go by, physicists can't handle to be in the presence of a beautiful woman."

There was a sound of a glass tumbling over and splashing water. The heartbeat went through the roof.

With a steady and even a little flirtations voice, Lena said: "Miss Danvers, did you just call me beautiful?"

###

Kara had moved the two chairs and the coffee table into the door frame to her bedroom. The floor was covered with several open CatCo magazines. Post-it notes stuck on every other page where an article with Kara’s name on the by-line was published or where she contributed to an article with her research. Originally, the sticky notes had a complicated colour code that went out of the window after the second issue. Beside her sofa, a brand new multifunctional Wi-Fi scanner-printer-thingy was hidden. It produced a hard copy of the article Kara had wanted to pitch to Snapper before she had been fired. Three handwritten pro and con lists waited at her feet, a hand letters to-do-list right beside that. A draft with notes for her CV update and drafts for a cover letter, also handwritten, formed another stack of pages. A selection of pencils, pens in different colours, brush pens, and text-markers was scattered around between post-its, her planer, notepads, and fold-back clips in various sizes. The news from a local station flickered with a low volume over the TV screen. A half-empty mug was long forgotten on the table, the coffee was cold. Only a bowl filled with nuts and dried berries got attention from time to time.

With the back to her sofa, Kara was sitting on the floor in the centre of this arrangement, squinting at her laptop, scrolling through the CatCo online archive. She hit the print button now and then.

The printer stopped. Kara reached for the pages and thumbed through them. With a nod to herself, she separated the draft and the copies of her online posts into two stacks and set them on the floor beside the other paper stacks. She sighed.

Winn had installed the technical device for her and had placed it randomly in the living room area of her apartment. It did the job for now, but Kara needed to find a better place for the printer. Between the art area, the dining area, the kitchen, and the living room area, her apartment didn’t have a real office space. She didn’t want one in the long run. Her laptop just could vanish out of sight when she didn’t use it. But a real desk with room for office supplies and stationary or a cupboard for a filing system? No. Supergirl had her working space outside her private sphere and so would Kara Danvers. Oh, the bullet point ‚no permanent home office‘ had to go on in the con-column in the pro and con list for the option to become a freelance reporter/blogger. Kara snatched up the list and a red pen.

Coming to think of it, Kara had the suspicion that Winn didn’t set up the printer as a favour to a friend but to get rid of a colleague who invaded his working space. He wanted her somewhere far, far away from the DEO headquarters and out of reach of his keyboard. OK, good, Kara had used her super-speed to press random keys that made screen flash in the brightest colours. But she resented Winn’s accusation that smoke had come out of his computer. There had been no smoke.

Deep down, Kara couldn’t blame Winn for trying to get her out of his working space. Without CatCo, she was bored out of her mind. Sitting around wasn’t good for her. Floating high above the city counted only as a recreational activity if there something to recreate from. There was only so much time she could sit in the sun and recharge. She needed something meaningful to do. Her peers suffered for her lack of fulfilment. Even Alex. It had been five days since she was forced to leave CatCo. Things at the DEO had been slow the past few days. No petty crimes, no rogue aliens, no CADMUS. Cats kept away from trees. Kara even missed Fluffy. _But seriously, who calls a snake Fluffy?_ And Lena? Lena was back in town, but they were still searching for a loophole in Lena’s schedule to actually meet in person. Lena was caught up in some auditing process - a standard annual procedure in business companies but annoying - so they were not able to meet for a lunch or a coffee break. In the evenings, Mon-El claimed Kara’s attention. He somehow had managed to change his shifts in a way that he was able to spend all his evenings with her. Lena and Kara at least kept up the habit of having a video call at least once a day. And they texted. It just wasn’t the same with Mon-El hovering in the background. And Kara still needed to confirm her theory that it was Lena’s heartbeat she was hearing.

The apartment door opened and Mon-El came in. He gave the impromptu office a sceptical once-over as he slowly walked closer. Kara glanced at her watch. He was early, and she still had so much to do. Mon-El came to a hold at the edge of the paper circle around her. A few pages blew up from the disturbance in the air he was causing. A to-do-list landed on a portfolio stack.

„Please be careful. I have a system.“ Kara waited for him to greet her with a kiss like he always did when he came by. She waited in vain. „Hi. I didn’t expect you so soon.“

Mon-El took a step forward. A foot landed on her papers. Kara frowned. He was still wearing his shoes.

„What are you doing?“ Mon-El asked.

Kara tried to shoo him away. The soles of his shoes left marks on her writing and crumpled the paper. The ink already started to smudge from droplets clinging to the sole of his shoes. Had he been walking through puddles?

„You are standing on my pro and con lists.“

Mon-El stepped back. Kara took the crumpled pages, smoothing them out. She gave the pages a critical look. Thank Rao, the writing was still readable. It had taken her two hours to compile the list while chewing through three pens in the process. Mon-El hovered over her with his arms crossed over his chest. Kara felt the urge to fill his silence.

„I have some existential decisions to make if I want to find new employment at a different magazine or newspaper or if I want to go freelance and work offer her work to several newspapers. I could even continue to work as an independent reporter or keep the blog. I have to evaluate my options.“

That came out in one breath.

„And that pile?“ He gestured to the hard copies of the online posts with his shoe.

„I’m brushing up my portfolio. I need something that I can show to potential new employers. Lena gave me the tip to review by content so I will able to give myself a clear cut profile.“

Kara just hoped that Snapper hadn’t blacklisted her like Miss Grand had done with Siobhan after their fall out.

„Lena gave you the tip?“ Did he just huff at the mentioning of her best friend? „Is this why you cancelled our training session at the DEO?“ His voice became quiet. It didn’t feel good. „You said that being Supergirl and having me was enough. These were your own words, Kara."

Kara muted the TV. This conversation threatened to claim her full attention. She felt a pang of guilt. Was she leading him on? Kara really had meant it when she said it the first night after she was fired. But…., yes there was a big but. The experience of the last days had shown her that just being Supergirl wasn’t enough. Being a reporter wasn’t just occupational therapy while she wasn’t on Supergirl duty. Kara Zor-El was more than just the sum of the powers that a random yellow sun gave her by chance. Being Supergirl was good, it really was. Mon-El was right. She helped so many people. But it was all about her physical strength and she depended on bad guys doing bad things. Being reporter was more challenging on so many levels. There was an intellectual aspect to it that Supergirling didn’t offer.

Was Supergirling a word? Well, now it was.

Anyway, this was her life. She had the right to re-evaluate her life choices when something didn’t feel right.

„I said maybe. Maybe having you and being Supergirl and having you is enough. I really wanted to believe that. It turns out, it is not."

Mon-El put his fists on his hips, sticking out his elbows.

„It was just a few days. You didn’t really try.“

Kara stood up. She mirrored Mon-El’s stance, channelling her inner Supergirl, and puffed out her chest.

„I am Kara Zor-El. I am her before everything else - before being the last daughter of Krypton, before being Kara Danvers, before being Supergirl.“ Kara's voice became louder and louder, the words tumbling out of her mouth faster and faster. „So, excuse me for trying to find some answers instead of just settling after losing my job at CatCo. Excuse me that I'm trying to be my own person before I am your or anybody's girlfriend."

Now Mon-El was shouting.

„What do you mean, anybody's girlfriend. Is there someone else?" A beat. „Did that fucking imp finally get to you?“

Kara had to anchor herself to the ground.

„What does Mxyzptlk have to do with anything?“

„Is it Lena?" Kara didn’t know how to answer that. She didn’t have to. Mon-El ploughed on: „You have been spending an awful lot of time with her on the phone and talking about your personal stuff. Aren’t you supposed to talk about that with me? I’m your boyfriend. I thought we are - how did Winn call it - exclusive?“

„Being exclusive with someone means that you are dating just that one person, not that this person is your only point of reference outside your family. Lena is my friend and my confidant. Our relationship doesn’t change that.“

Mon-El opened his mouth for a retort but Kara was distracted by the breaking news banner on the TV screen. Six police cars chased three black vans through National City’s industrial park. Kara's emergency phone vibrated in her pocket. She answered. Alex confirmed her suspicion - yes, that was a Supergirl business - and passed on Maggie’s request for help.

Kara waved at the TV screen.

„I have to go.“

Without looking at Mon-El, Kara ripped open her Oxford shirt to reveal the super-suit and took off through the window.

Despite the growing distance, she heard Mon-El grumble:

„How convenient! Now you want to be Supergirl."

###

This wasn’t CADMUS or a random robbery or that lousy car chase in the industry park two days ago. This was the real thing, a good old rogue alien, just like the first days of being Supergirl. Kara had waited two days for an opportunity like this since the big fight with Mon-El. She needed to let off steam and sparring sessions at the DEO just didn’t do the trick. Two days of dealing with a pouting Mon-El had taken their toll. Two days of arguing over her job search and running in circles with their arguments. Two more days without seeing Lena, just texting, no even calling because of the arguing with Mon-El. She really missed seeing her.

Now, this White Martian had come along went rampage in the city centre. So far, Kara had tried cool Supergirl-opening lines, her heat vision, the freeze breath. The White Martian was unimpressed. And of course, in a hand on hand combat between Supergirl and the White Martian, there was a classic grab-the-superhero-by-the-cape-moment to make her stumble. Kara wasn’t seriously hurt, but the moment of imbalance gave her opponent a window of opportunity to fly a few blocks deeper into the city centre and continue his path of destruction there. Winn was babbling into her earpiece, something about a shapeshifter having access to shapeshifting technology. Kara knew that already. The White Martian’s Swiss army knife had first the shape of laser gun and then transformed to spit acid at Supergirl. The information Winn provided wasn’t helpful, but Kara didn’t have the time to retort. The acid had corroded the cape. It was in shreds. Big chunks of the cloth were missing. And the skirt would also never be the same again. Kara really needed to talk to Winn about a redesign of the super-suit.

_As they say, be careful what you wish for._ The steam had found its outlet. Kara’s frustration of the past two days was compensated. She really wanted to wrap this up to be able to go home and have some alone time. Or sister night. Or quality Lena time, preferably in person. Just not Mon-El.

But this White Martian was a tough cookie. It managed to keep the upper hand by threatening the people in the streets. Supergirl was forced into reaction mode. She tried to keep the collateral damages at a minimum with limited success. No-one was hurt but the buildings and the street took a hit after hit. Supergirl and the White Martian were chasing and fighting its way down Cordoba Street, too close to the L-Corp building for Kara’s liking, and they were still getting closer.

Supergirl floated up in the air to look at the situation from a different angle. Wasn’t there anything she could work with to stop the White Martian in his track? Oh, there was something near the DEO tower. Thank Rao, the Martian Manhunter was airborne and shooting her way. Winn said something about Alex, Mon-El, and a SWAT-team being on their way, too.

The gun transformed into a trumpet-like shape. The White Martian fired. Ultrasound pierced through the air. On the ground, bystanders covered their ears. Trees bend like they were hit by a storm. Unsuspecting seagulls were pushed off track. The windows of the surrounding buildings burst. The shock wave was visible, at least to Kara. The pressure in the air sent Kara of her course. The shredded cape didn’t help. Her aerodynamics were distorted. She just barely caught her balance back. Glass still burst in the distance as the sound wave travelled on.

The White Martian stood in the middle of the green area in front of L-Corp, scanning the surroundings, considering its options. This had to stop. Now. Kara flew closer and held her position from a bird’s eye perspective at treetop level. She knew, she first had to disarm the White Martian to level out the playing field. Supergirl’s eyes lit up. She aimed for the gun and fired up her the heat vision. Her opponent tried to distract her, but the green was empty. Nobody was there to use as a human shield. The gun started to glow. Kara screamed but fired a continues beam.

The gun exploded. Finally. Another shock wave ripped through the air. Kara was catapulted high up the rooftop level of the skyscrapers. There was a high-pitched tinnitus in her ears. That was new. She never had one of those before. And vertigo. She felt vertigo. That wasn’t good while floating several hundred feet in the air. Kara suppressed the reflex to vomit. Her vision went sparkly black. She lost her sense for upwards or downwards.

Slowly the heartbeat was audible through the tinnitus.

Ga-gong.

The tinitus faded.

_„I hope this isn’t the last time we talked.“_

Ga-gong.

If only the heartbeat could give her a sense of direction.

_„What the hell was that?“ - „Someone was trying to kill you.“_

Ga-gong.

Maybe it could.

_„Those flowers are beautiful.“ - „They are called plumerias. They are really rare.“ - „They remind me of my mother.“_

Ga-gong.

Yes! There!

_„Jess will you make a note downstairs that Kara Danvers is to be shown in right away whenever possible.“_

Ga-gong.

Kara followed the rhythm like a homing beacon.

_„You are literally my only friend in National City. Most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten-foot pole. It would mean a lot to me if you would come.“_

Ga-gong.

Déjà-vu! She had done that before. When was that? It wasn’t too long ago.

_„Who would have believed it. A Luthor and a Super working together.“_

Ga-gong.

Glass shattered. Where was she? At least, there was a firm foundation under her feet.

_„Supergirl, I can’t believe you are here.“ - „Kara Danvers believes in you.“_

Ga-gong.

A firm foundation she could fall on.

_„Don’t hurt her!“_

Ga-gong.

Kara had a coppery smell in her nose. It didn’t come from the air.

_„So my office is overflowing with flowers“ - „Really?“ - „Yeah. You didn’t have to do that.“ - „Yes, I did.“_

Ga-gong.

Did she taste blood?

_„I never had friends like you before!“_

Ga-gong.

Someone patted her cheek and asked: „Supergirl, do you hear me? Supergirl?“

_„Supergirl might have saved me, but Kara Danvers, you are my hero.“_

Ga-gong.

Kara cracked an eye open. The light was blinding. Indistinguishable voices came from afar. The one nearby called out: „Jess, call Agent Danvers and tell her that Supergirl is injured. She will know what to do.“

_Lena screamed. Her heartbeat went off like a sewing machine. And it descended towards the ground. Fast. Faster. Kara dived down, following the frantic heartbeat like a homing beacon. Supergirl caught Lena just inches above the ground after falling from the office balcony._

Ga-gong.

Oh, so this is when it began. Kara’s permanent connection to the one heartbeat. Lena! It really was her. Thank Rao!

Ga-gong. Ga-gong. Ga-gong.

Kara reached out and pressed her palm against the chest that was home to the heartbeat.

„Lena.“

Darkness.

###

_A few minutes earlier, at the same place…_

Lena eyed the two folders in front of her. They contained the reports of her internal audit department. The auditors had invaded the rest of the L-Corp department with a tight focus R&D and accounting the past few days. There were so many regulations to adhere to regarding technology development and accountancy. Any flaw, any breaking of the rules in either area could be the downfall of L-Corp. The reports in front of her would tell Lena if her company was fit to face the external auditors who decided about L-Corps legal fate. Lena loathed this part of being a CEO. She reached for the telephone receiver from her desk phone.

„Jess, please bring me a glass of the cold brew coffee with almond milk I have hidden in the pantry. There also must be a bagel or a sandwich. And please make sure that I’m not disturbed for the next few hours.“

„Yes, Miss Luthor.“

Lena took a peek at her smartphone. No notification of any missed messages from Kara. Lena could have used a little pick-me-up before diving into the paperwork, but Kara had told her, she was still working on her next step in her career as a reporter. No messages hopefully meant that Kara was making progress. Good for Kara.

Lena massaged her temples. There was no use stalling. She reached for the folder marked with the number one. Jess came in with a tray carrying a glass filled with coffee and ice cubes, a cucumber bagel, and a piece of carrot cake. Lena smiled at the little indulgence her assistant offered her.

A shock wave went through the room. The balcony windows shook but stayed in one piece. The air pressure knocked the coffee glass from the tray. The brown liquid spiled everywhere.

„I’m sorry, Miss Luthor. I will call someone from the cleaning service right away to clean that up and get you a fresh coffee.“

Lena hummed her agreement. Her attention was directed to finding the remote control of her TV. She swore that National City was as bad as Metropolis when it came to alien attacks. Was it the presence of a Super that made both cities so attractive as an extra-terrestrial playground? Then again, Gotham offered its own brand of crazy. Ah, there it was. Lena switched on the TV and surfed to the local news station. Footage taken by mobile phones showed Supergirl fighting with a large, ugly, very naked alien. It looks that they were making their way down Cordoba Street. Please let them move past L-Corp. The repair crew had just finished the repairs of the last Supergirl incident.

Was that footage life? Or was there a time delay between the real-life action and the representation on screen?

A second shockwave went through the air. The source of it seemed to be closer than the first. Lena swished around to look out of the window. Supergirl shot up from below. She was losing control in mid-air. For a moment she went spinning on the spot. Then, in a rocky line, she flew sideways. Towards Lena. Very fast.

Lena starred. There was nothing she could do, except shouting: „No, no, no!“

Supergirl crashed through the balcony window and collapsed in the middle of the office. Lena rushed over and fell to her knees right beside her. Blood trickled out of the corner of Supergirl’s mouth. That wasn’t supposed to happen, was it? Supergirl was supposed to be indestructible. Lena patted her cheek.

„Supergirl, do you hear me? Supergirl?“

Supergirl cracked an eye open only to squint it close again. Lena rubbed her own chest. Her heart-rate picked up speed. She took a deep breath. There was enough time for a panic attack after Supergirl was safe and taken care of.

Jess came running into the office.

„Jess, call Agent Danvers and tell her that Supergirl is injured. She will know what to do.“

Jess nodded and jumped right to the task. There was a commotion by the elevators. Lena didn’t care. She looked down at the fallen hero. Blindly, Supergirl raised her hand and pressed it against Lena’s sternum.

„Lena,“ she whispered.

The hand went slack and fell to the ground.

„Kara!“

Lena’s head snapped up. Mike-of-the-interns was rooted to the ground in the door frame. He was clad in black combat gear.

„Mon-El. Watch what you are saying.“

Agent Danvers glared at Mike-of-the-interns, or Mon-El, and pressed beside him through the door frame. Two more nameless agents and Jess stayed in the background.

Agent Danvers came down on the other side of the unconscious figure, stroking a stray strand of hair out of Supergirl’s face. That was quite a tender gesture for the badass agent. Mon-El’s outcry sank in. He - Kara’s boyfriend - had called Supergirl Kara.

„Kara is Supergirl?“

Lena needed the confirmation. Alex Danvers, Kara’s sister, caught Lena’s eye. She didn’t answer. She also did not deny. With a sad smile, Alex just turned to assess the extent of Supergirl’s - or rather Kara’s - injuries.

Mon-El was pacing back and forth beside them, the broken glass crunched under his feet. He radiated tension. Lena tried to block him out and concentrated on watching Kara’s sister ready to jump into action if needed.

„The injuries are extensive. It is not a good sign that she is bleeding. That means, her powers are low.“ Alex swallowed. „We need to bring her to our facility. Is there anything that you can lend us to move her?“

Lena looked at Jess. „Call our in-house medical service. They should have a stretcher they can spare.“ Turning to Agent Danvers, she continued: „If you bring your car into the garage, Jess will see to it that you can transfer her straight downstairs without meeting too many curious eyes.“

Agent Danvers nodded without letting Supergirl out of her sight. One nameless agent, a woman, left with Jess.

„Agent Danvers…“ Lena swallowed. „Alex, could you please keep me updated on Kara’s recovery. I don’t presume that I can visit her where you are taking her?“

Alex opened her mouth, but it was Mon-El’s voice that boomed through the room.

„Stay away from her. You have caused enough trouble already, Luthor. This is on you.“

Lena felt like he had slapped her. She stood up. Mon-El came face to face with her, all threatening.

„Mon-El! Stand down. You are out of line,“ Alex called.

He didn’t budge. With all the courage she had left, Lena held her ground.

The stretcher arrived.

With an apologetic smile, Alex said: „We have to go now. You will hear from us soon.“

With that, Lena was alone. A numbness bloomed from her chest.

Kara was Supergirl. And she was severely injured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preview for the next chapter: The end of Karamel is in sight. But he will not go quietly.
> 
> Until next time!


	4. Bad Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara breaks up with Mon-El and he doesn’t go quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, I have song recommendation: _Hollow Drum_ by Laura Welsh. The lyrics are not an exact match but the song reflects Lena’s mood quite well.

Her feet were cold. How did humans deal with cold feet?

Barefooted, Kara tiptoed along the DEO corridors. It was crucial that she didn’t run into any agents. She successfully manoeuvred around Vasquez who was reading on a pad by hiding behind a pillar.

Kara had woken up two hours ago under Alex scrutinising glare. She had wanted to get out of bed right away. Much to Kara’s surprise, Alex had been able to manoeuvre her back into the pillows by pressing two fingers just into the right spot at her shoulder. _That hurt, thank you, Alex._

Out for thirty-six hours, Alex had said. Solar-flare, Alex had said. At least six more hours of recharging under the sun lamps, Alex had said. No, no, no, Kara had thought. She was an alien, not a plant. _Well, an alien who processed sunlight, so an argument could be made… Well, you know. Ugh! Shut up._ Still, there was no way that Kara would spend one more minute in the med bay, let alone a period of time that could be measured in hours. Laying around in the DEO med bay was no fun. The sickbeds were only glorified stretchers with pillows. All a patient could do was lay on the back and look at the ceiling or - if the angle of the headpiece allowed it - watch through the glass wall how the agents rush around or how J’onn looked stern. There was no room for tossing and turning. Turning was off the table anyway. So many sensors had been attached to Kara’s forehead and temples that she would probably strangle herself with the cables in the process. Given her solar-flared state, that was a real possibility. Being human was frustrating.

She missed hearing the heartbeat. Hopefully, it will come back with her powers.

Kara wanted answers. She hadn’t woken up in her super-suit like she always did no matter how long she had been out. That wasn’t a good sign. Instead, she was wearing a DEO-issued training suit and no boots, not even socks. Hence the cold feet. Alex had avoided her questions. She had just turned to check the readings on various screens and mumbled something about taking advantage of the chance to run some blood work. So, Kara had feigned boredom, and currently, Alex was somewhere on a quest to find a tablet or a laptop so Kara would be able to watch Netflix while recharging - Kara’s chance to sneak out of the med bay.

Her first instinct was to find Winn. He was the one who created the super-suit; thus he would be the one to repair it if necessary. Kara was still two corridors away from the laboratory equipped for such repairs when she heard him argue with Mon-El.

Right. Huh. Mon-El. Funny how she hadn’t missed him at the side of her sickbed.

„Dude, stop hovering over my shoulder. I can’t work like this.“ That was Winn.

A flat hand slapped on a surface. A clutter followed like someone had sent metal instruments flying.

„Winn, Kara needs her suit. Otherwise, she can’t be Supergirl. Without Supergirl, she is nothing.“

Was Mon-El serious? Hadn’t he understood anything she had tried to tell him when she’d put her portfolio together?

There was a sound of footsteps and an ear piercing squeak of a rubber sole against a linoleum floor. Winn grumbled something under his breath that Kara didn’t catch. Right, no super-hearing.

„Have you met Kara? She is so much more than just Supergirl,“ he said with a clear voice.

_Thank you, Winn._

„Kara can’t let go of that ridiculous reporter job, but it just holds her back and it consumes too much of her Supergirl-time. She can do so much more good when she is Supergirl full time, develop her full potential. The sooner she is out there again, the better.“

What was Mon-El’s fixation on Supergirl about? Kara heard Winn inhaling, ready to let out a rant in her defence.

„What is going on here?“

She stepped through the open door. At the sound of her voice, both men froze in their action. What a display they presented her! Kara would have laughed, only she was too frustrated with the situation. Winn was bent over a workbench with his back to the door. Kara was able to make out her suit in front of him. Mon-El stood awfully close to Winn while men-spreading, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He unfroze and tried to inch in front of the workbench to keep the suit out of her view and opened and closed his mouth a few times. Finally, he seemed to find his wits again:

„Supergirl! What are you doing out of bed? You still need to recharge.“

„Don’t Supergirl-me, Mon-El! I am recovering just fine.“

Mon-El huffed. Kara straightened her back and glared first at him then at Winn.

„What is going on here?“ she repeated, her voice louder this time. Neither of the boys - and boys they were in that moment - dared to look at her. Kara glanced at the working station. „Winn, is that my suit?“

„Well, you know, the Martian gun was potent. I’m still analysing the effects it had. The sound gun was mind blowing and blowing up your suit as well.“ He mimicked the mind-blowing with his hands and grinned until he saw her expression and tried to restrain his scientific enthusiasm. Clasping his hands together, he continued: „The bottom line is that the cape is ripped in several places and the body has burn holes.“

Kara stepped around Winn and ran her fingers over the blue and the red fabric. Kara remembered how she and Winn went through a series of trial and error tests to get the suit right back when her apartment and a vacated office at CatCo served as Supergirl’s headquarters.

Winn kept talking in the background. „It will take some time to repair it. Some parts are beyond patching up. I have to replace them.“

Kara picked up the suit by the shoulders where the cape was attached to the body. Her heart clenched seeing it in its current state. She liked the suit; it was more than just a piece of clothing. It helped her to become the person who she was now, to become Supergirl. Now it looked beaten up, sad. It deserved to find some peace. Kara swallowed. The suit was an integral part of Supergirl, but she needed to make a decision.

„What about we start from scratch, not just do a makeover. You know, make a new suit with the changes we talked about over the phone? This is the perfect opportunity.“

Winn scratched his chin. „You mean we should rethink the cape, give it some pants?“ He clicked his fingers, then fumbled for a pencil and his notebook. „Oh. Ohh! I could integrate some defence against Kryptonite like your aunt had, not like that bulky device that I gave you to protect you against Metallo and…“ A graphite lead scratched excitedly over paper.

There was an intake of breath.

„You can’t just redesign the suit!“

Surprised, Kara turned to Mon-El.

„I can’t?“

With clenched fists, Mon-El leaned on the table in front of him.

„No! The suit and Supergirl are one.“

„Don’t be so dramatic. Do you really think, Supergirl can’t evolve, change, or mature? Become a woman?“

Mon-El gaped at her.

„You want to rename yourself?“

Kara shrugged.

„Not today.“

Mon-El folded his arms in front of his chest.

„No, no. I forbid it.“

Kara saw red. She clapped her hand on the table. Her palms stung from the force of the contact.

„You do what?“

„Here you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Kara.“ Alex entered the room. Three stunned faces greeted her. Kara was thankful for the distraction. Her anger threatened to get the better of her. She didn’t want to lose her temper while discussing such an important issue as her Supergirl persona and who has got a say in that.

Alex waved an item in her left hand. „I found a tablet for you so you can watch Netflix while recharging. And I brought you a snack, something healthy.“ She raised the takeaway container in her right hand. „As long as your Kryptonian metabolism isn’t working, your normal diet is not a good idea.“ She put the tablet and take-out containers on the table. Kara lifted the lid of the takeaway cup and sniffed at the beverage inside. All she got was a light vinegar sting in her nose. She made a face.

„You didn’t get me some sticky buns from Noonan’s?“

Alex shook her head and produced a med kit from one of the pockets of her cargo pants. It looked awfully like a syringe and vials.

„What is wrong with kombucha and that other fermented stuff? You always talked about how you still haven’t managed to go to that one place with Lena.“ Alex facepalmed. „Oh shit, I totally forgot to text her.“

„You forgot to text who what?“ Kara sniffed again at the kombucha. She could take a sip, a small one. At least she would be able to tell Lena that she tried, really tried. Maybe then they could move on to the next culinary challenge.

Alex fumbled for her phone in another pocket. „I haven’t given Lena an update on you. She doesn’t know that she can stop worrying about all that.“ She gestured at the suit.

„An update on me, you mean Supergirl-me? Why would you give Lena an update on Supergirl’s well-being?“ With a sigh, Kara took a sip.

Alex found what she was looking for and winced. „Wow, I should check my phone more often. Ten missed messages. Lena is persistent, I have to give her that.“ She typed a short message. „Well, when you crash-landed in her office, Mon-El outed you to her as Supergirl.“

Kombucha sprayed into the room. Kara coughed while Alex padded her on the back as if that would help with anything. Coughing fits hurt, especially when she had blown out her powers. Kara gasped for air and ignored Mon-El’s eye roll. She would deal with him later. Winn’s exit and his excuse that he would do some research for the new suit anywhere but here blended into the background.

So it wasn’t a dream. In her disoriented state, Kara had followed the heartbeat, and it had let her to Lena, to safety. Lena was her safe place.

„Or rather he outed Supergirl as Kara Danvers?“ With her eyes still on her phone, Alex waved the thought away. She pressed a finger on the screen. A sound effect announced that a message had been sent. „Anyway, Lena knows that Supergirl and Kara Danvers are one and the same.“ Kara looked at Alex wide-eyed. Her sister only shrugged. „I didn’t want to insult her intelligence by denying it.“ 

Only a less forward part of Kara’s conscious registered how cool the deputy head of the DEO was that a Luthor knew about a Super.

Alex pointed at the syringe. „By the way, I should seize the opportunity to run some blood works on you. I don’t get the chance very often.“

Still breathing heavily, Kara pressed out: „How did she take it?“

Alex busied herself with putting on latex gloves. On autopilot, Kara rolled up her sleeve. Alex fixed a rubber cuff around her upper arm and made some pumping movements with her hand wich Kara mimicked. The veins in the crook of her arm popped out. Alex nodded satisfied and started to prepare the syringe and vials.

„She was rattled that Supergirl was bleeding, shocked that her best friend was Supergirl, worried sick because said best friend was injured and unconscious. Not necessarily in that order.“

With her free hand, Kara messaged her forehead. This was huge. Lena knew her secret identity and Kara wasn’t the one who told her. Worst case scenario. She should have told Lena sooner, much sooner. Now it was too late. Kara felt sick - She felt vertigo, felt like being airborne several hundred feet above the ground and losing control again. Only this time there was no heartbeat to guide Kara to her safe place.

Alex took Kara’s arm and took aim with the needle.

„Who cares about what that Luthor woman thinks? She has caused enough damage. Can we go back to the topic at hand?“

A lightning bolt went through Kara’s body. Alex pushed the needle, but it only bent out of shape, unable to pierce the Kryptonian skin. Kara shot up and punched her fists on the table. Its metal surface was left with two fist-shaped dents.

Alex landed with her bottom a few feet away. „And the window of opportunity for a blood test is closed again,“ she muttered under her breath. „Thank you, Mon-El. That was the adrenaline shock she needed to jump-start her powers.“

Kara glared at Alex before she turned to Mon-El. Her voice was dangerously calm and quite. „You don’t get to make this kind of decisions for me. It is not your place to reveal my secret identity to anyone under any circumstances.“ Her voice grew louder. „You have no say in my cover name or the design of my suit. And you certainly will never, ever speak ill of Lena in my presence again.“ Her eyes felt hot. She wasn’t sure whether tears threatened to fall or her heat vision fired up. „We are done. I want you to get your stuff out of my apartment. I don’t want any trace of you when I return home tomorrow at noon.“ She shouted the last part.

Mon-El took a step forward, raising his hands in a way that he thought would appease her. „Kara…“ He spoke softly.

„Out!“

Her outcry made the glass walls jiggle. Mon-El threw his hands up in the air and left the lab.

The stinging in her eyes turned out to be tears.

The heartbeat was back. Lena’s heartbeat.

„Alex. Sister night at your place.“

#

**_The next day, 11 a.m. at Kara’s apartment…_ **

The elevator took forever to come down.

Lena re-read Alex’s message for the hundredth time. She had waited two days for that message, half expecting never to receive it, that Alex would forget her promise to update Lena on Kara’s state, assuming to be left alone with the feeling of numbness that spread through her chest since she learned that her best friend was Supergirl.

**[Alex:]** Kara is temporarily powerless but she is awake and gets restless. She still needs to recharge but should be able to go home tomorrow morning.

The message had come yesterday; the vibration of her phone had interrupted her fruitless staring at a page of a financial audit report. Alex’s words hadn’t put an end to the numbness. They only raised questions. What did it mean, she was powerless? Was she vulnerable like humans? Kryptonians drew their powers from the sun. Lena knew that much from Lex’s secret files on Superman. How was Kara able to recharge? Sunbathing? Could she get a sunburn without her powers? Or did Agent Danvers have technology at hand that supported Kara’s recovery? If technology was involved, was there something Lena could do to help? She was good with technology. Exceptionally good, some said. But that wasn’t the point, was it? She was a Luthor and they - ‚they‘ meaning the organisation Agent Danvers worked for that was not the FBI - would never allow a Luthor to meddle with the health of a Super. Did Kara care that Lena was a Luthor when it came to her hero-identity?

Lena glanced up at the floor position indicator. The elevator was still stuck on the third floor. What was happening up there?

Kara. Why Kara hadn’t tried to contact Lena herself. It took every ounce of Lena’s strength not to jump to conclusions, not to think about any reason why Kara didn’t want to see her. Because, what if there was? The press of Kara’s hand against her sternum before she had collapsed in Lena’s office still lingered. It was relevant that Kara had sought her out in a moment of mortal peril, whatever force had possessed her to find Lena. That was the straw Lena held on to.

So here Lena was, in Kara’s apartment building on her way to do what exactly? To make sure that the woman she genuinely cared for recovered from a life-threatening injury? To confront someone who she thought to be her best friend for keeping secrets? Kara hadn’t voluntarily shared her secrete. Did she even want Lena to know?Lena’s thoughts had circled around these questions for days.

Only one thing was sure. The thought of losing Kara was unbearable. Everything else was something they had to deal with.

The five red lines forming the digital number three didn’t even flicker and the elevator still hadn’t moved to pick Lena up from the ground level.

Maybe Kara was afraid of Lena’s reaction now that she knew about Supergirl’s everyday identity?

Maybe Lena should actually press the button to call the elevator down?

She didn’t.

A container with soup lay heavy in her hands, a trace of warmth still seeping through the walls. The pack of pasta rustled in her handbag. Lena’s priority was to show Kara how much she cared for her. Soup was a customary gift for someone who was ill, right? Or was it just for the flue? Either way, it wouldn’t hurt and Kara needed all the strength she could get. It was a traditional chicken soup made from scratch. Lena didn’t make it herself. Her cooking skills had allowed her to survive college without relying on take-out and microwave food, but she wasn’t an expert. Lena had asked the chef of the L-Corp employee restaurant to prepare a batch of soup for her. But she knew that the pasta had to be cooked freshly to put it into the soup because pasta kept in soup for too long made the broth go sour. Lena was fully prepared to cook the pasta and put it into the reheated soup for Kara. That was her plan.

The elevator set into motion on its own accord. Finally, it arrived. The doors opened and a man stepped out. Lena let him pass, entered the cabin, and made sure to press the button this time.

The pasta came in the form of the famous S-shaped symbol. Kara’s family crest. Kara. Was that even her real name? Probably, if Mon-El called her that in an unguarded moment. They had so much to talk about. Lena bought the pasta as an icebreaker, to show Kara that they could talk about anything.

A mechanical voice announced the arrival on Kara’s floor. The door opened.

Never had the corridor appeared so long.

Lena knocked at the door. A rustling came from inside and a male voice asked while the door swung open.

„Have you lost your key?“

Mon-El.

They starred at each other.

She should have expected him. He was Kara’s boyfriend.

„Is Kara home?“

As soon as he recognised her, his expression changed back to the hostility from two days ago. What had she done to him to provoke this kind of reaction?

„What do you want from her?“

„I brought Kara soup.“

She held up the container.

„She doesn’t need your soup. She has me to take care of her. Go.“

„Now wait a minute. I’m not… “

Mon-El stepped out of the apartment. Lena knew what to expect the moment the door felt into its lock behind his back. He would lash out at her just because she was there. It wasn’t a pleasant but a natural reaction. Mon-El was hurt and frightened for Kara just as much as she was. Shouting at a scapegoat, an embodiment of everything that caused their pain was a way to deal with it. His fear for Kara’s safety wasn’t an excuse for Mon-El’s behaviour, but it was something that Lena learned to handle, something that she as Lex Luthor’s sister was used to. Whatever he would throw at her, she could take it.

„Go! You have poisoned her mind! She lost her focus on being Supergirl because of you. She didn’t concentrate during the fight with the White Martian because of you. She blew her powers because of you. She nearly died. I almost lost her because of you. National City almost lost its hero because of you, Luthor.“

During his little monologue, he raised his finger and stabbed the air like Norman Bates. She could see the temptation to prod her into the shoulder in his eyes. A well-raised eyebrow stopped him from laying a finger on her. He gasped for air and continued in a low voice:

„Kara doesn’t want your friendship. She doesn’t need you. Or has she contacted you since she woke up?“

Lena flinched as if slapped. He’d hit her Achilles' heel on point. If she thought she’d felt numb before, she was wrong. Lena broke through the surface of a frozen lake and submerged under the ice without a fight. One look told her, Mon-El knew what he was doing to her and that he felt victorious.

There was nothing more to say. Ignoring Mon-El, Lena turned on her heels and stalked along the corridor, the soup container heavy as lead in her hands. Behind her, a door slammed shut.

Back in the elevator, Lena waited for the tears to come. A futile effort.

She took out her phone. She wanted to end this dullness. She wanted to feel again, something pleasant, at least for a little while.

She dialled a number, listened to the dialling tone, and waited for the call to be accepted.

„Hey, I’m sorry, I have kept you hanging for so long. Please tell me, when were you in town again?“

Lena smiled while she heard the answer. The muscle movement felt foreign.

„You are already in National City? Terrific. How about we skip dinner this time and meet for drinks at my place.“

She set her jaw.

„Bye, Natalie“

#

**_15 minutes later…_ **

With a slightly buzzing head, Kara walked her way back home, a selection of Chinese takeaway in her arms. It was more than usual, but Supergirl needed to nurse a hangover, even if it was just a placebo effect. Not even Aldebaran rum was able to give her a headache in the long run. Drunken karaoke in the alien bar and a Harry Potter marathon starting with the _Prisoner of Azkaban_ at Alex’s apartment - that had been their sister night. Alex had banned the break-up, or Mon-El, or any romantic issues for the evening. It was a total bliss of not thinking about Mon-El all night. She’d need the distance to clear her head.

Kara paused for a moment to soak up some sunbeams before she continued on her way home. Rounding a street corner, she saw Joe, the homeless guy who roamed her neighbourhood, sitting on the steps of a house. He was drinking from a container.

„Hey Joe, want some fried rice?“

He gave her a sweet smile that looked almost like the grin of a five-year-old, except that the two remaining front teeth ware dark yellow, almost ochre. He showed Kara the content of the container. The broth of what appeared to be chicken soup was gone, only some vegetables and chunks of meat were left inside.

„Thank you, dear, not today. I got lucky. Some posh lady gave this to me. I wonder how she got lost in this part of town.“ He eyed the remains that he couldn’t drink. „Tastes like homemade, not like the canned shit. Its a pity, she didn’t have a spoon or something with her.“

Kara rummaged thought the content of her take-out bags.

„Here, use the chopsticks.“

„Don’t you need them?“

„I have some spare at home. Enjoy!“

After a little cordial exchange, they waved their goodbyes.

While walking, Kara took out her phone to check her notifications. Oh. It was still turned off. For some reason, Alex had stopped her from drunk dialling Lena around midnight and had confiscated Kara’s phone sometime between leaving the alien bar and the turning on the TV.

Lena. Kara had to talk to Lena. Approximately twenty minutes ago, her heartbeat did a jump. It was just one beat out of rhythm, so she probably wasn’t in any danger, just stressed. Maybe due to a meeting with the auditors? The whole auditing process really stressed Lena out. Kara had to contact her to make sure she was ok. Kara had no idea what she had to expect from Lena now she knew that Kara was Supergirl. That was a lot to wrap a mind around for both of them. She should sit down to think carefully about the phrasing of a first text message to test the waters.

There was something crunchy under her shoe. Kara stepped to the pavement edge to scrape off bits and pieces from the sole and looked around. What did she step into? Odd. Around a public garbage can in front of her house door, a broken package of noodles in the shape of her crest are scattered around. What had the noddles done to deserve to be thrown away? The shape of the noodles made the mystery personnel.

The irritation was fleeting as she looked up to her apartment. Kara had told Mon-El to be gone before noon. It should be empty. No one was waiting for her. Kara’s breath hitched. She had waited so long to find someone to have a full relationship with until Mon-El appeared out of nowhere. With him, she had a chance to be with someone without hiding or lying, without measuring her strength, without explaining how much it hurt to think of a lost home planet. What if he was her only chance to have a full relationship? Kara shook her head. No. After his controlling behaviour, a romantic relationship with him was out of question. It was no use to be with someone for the wrong reasons. Maybe in a few days, she should have a proper talk with him to clear the air. They still had to work together. The possibility of friendship was in a vague future.

The food was getting cold and potstickers were best while still hot. Kara rushed upstairs, slit the key into the lock, and entered her home.

„I told you to stay way!“ Mon-El jumped out of the storage area of her kitchen. He was wearing an apron stained with tomato sauce and held a wooden spoon in his hand. „Kara, you are a few minutes too early.“

Kara gaped at Mon-El, speechless. She had expected to come into a cold room, trying to engulf her with loneliness until she turned on the TV. The wardrobe was supposed to be void of Mon-El’s shoes and jackets, half her cupboard should be empty of his clothes. If anything, a single packing case was allowed to be waiting by the door to be picked up. Instead, some acoustic music was playing in the background, the dinner table was set up with candles and a bouquet of red roses, and red wine was breathing. Spaghetti and meatballs in tomato-sauce were cooking on the stove. Was he trying to be cute by conjuring up the spirit of _The Lady and the Tramp_? Seriously?

„What are you doing here?“

He looked at her with his best puppy eyes.

„I wanted to apologise for my behaviour yesterday. I hoped we could talk about everything, now you calmed down again.“

Kara stared at him.

He walked over to her and grabbed at the take-out bag.

„Let me put this away. Sit down and let me spoil you.“

Kara tightened her grip on her bags. She looked him straight in the eye.

„Mon-El. I want you to put down that spoon and to take off that apron and leave.“

„Kara…“

„I think, I made myself clear yesterday. I wanted you gone by noon. The fact that you stayed shows me that you have no regard for my wishes. I am not wasting my time with someone who does not respect my wishes and by extension someone who does not respect who I am.“

„You can’t be serious. Let us talk about this.“

Her eyes fired up. „Give me back my apartment key.“

„Kara.“

Mon-El wanted Supergirl, he should get Supergirl.

„Leave. I will send your stuff to the DEO.“

She blew up the wooden spoon with her heat vision.

Mon-El jumped and shook his hand as if burned. As if. She always hit her mark. If she wanted to hurt him, she would have gone for the hand, not the spoon. Mon-El opened and closed his mouth a few times. Her eyes kept glowing, ready to fire again. He started to fumble in his pockets and threw the key in the general direction of the dining table, followed by the apron. He grabbed a pair of shoes and a jacket and was out of the door on his socks.

Kara locked behind him and slid down the wall on the floor. She reached for the nearest pot sticker container and for her phone.

„Alex, you’ll never guess what just happened,“ she said with puffed cheeks. A to-do list formed while she talked: change the lock to her apartment, get a clear head, find out the deeper meaning of the constant heartbeat, contact Lena, let Alex help her with everything.

Something nagged in the back of Kara’s mind. What did Mon-El mean with _I told you to stay away_? Who had he expected?

#

**_In the evening in National City…_ **

Lena dimmed the light in her living room. Maybe then it wouldn’t be too apparent that the blue eyes looking back at her were not as blue as she hoped them to be. There were too many grey specks in the iris. Also, the woman in front of her was wearing contact lenses instead of dark-rimmed glasses. The hair colour was off, too dull in comparison. Natalie too everything - too small, too lean, too soft, too pointy-nosed, too much not the person Lena wanted to be there with her but couldn’t have.

Smooth jazz played in the background.

Rain splashed against the balcony door.

Was it fair what she was doing? Fair to Natalie, fair to Kara? Lena and Natalie had a longterm standing agreement. It started during college without words, it paused without words when either of them was in a serious relationship like they had when Lena was with Jack or Natalie was with Joan. The arrangement would end without words the moment one of them would commit their life to someone special. Natalie knew what they were doing. They both knew it like their drunken selves had known at that Halloween party years ago. And Kara? Lena never had that kind of relationship with Kara that would pause or let alone end her arrangement with Natalie. They were best friends. Well, they were supposed to be best friends. Why didn’t Kara tell Lena that she was Supergirl? Why hadn’t she tied to contact her during her recovery? Was Mon-El right and Kara didn’t really care about their friendship? So why was Lena thinking about fairness?

Why was she thinking about Kara at all right now?

Lena poured herself and her guest - there was no excuse for being a lousy hostess - each a good measure of Single Malt Scotch and handed one tumbler to Natalie. She knocked hers back, not bothering to savour the nuances of its taste. The whiskey certainly deserved better than that. It had matured for decades in oak casks, developing and refining its complexity and smoothness. But all Lena needed was its quick buzz, and it came instantly. Warmth flooded through her body, and as if it wanted to keep up the flow, her heart started to pump eagerly. Only the buzz didn’t drown the circling thoughts. Lena kissed Natalie anyway. Lena craved the human touch. One night of sweet release wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? A chance to forget the emptiness in her chest for a few hours? Lena set her tumbler on the next best surface and took the barely touched glass from Natalie’s hands.

„Straight to business today?“ Natalie said with a teasing voice with a sidetone of a purr. „Ugh!“ Lena kissed away the smirk and navigated Natalie to the couch. This was not personal enough for the bedroom.

With routine, they opened the other one’s buttons of a blouse or unzipped the back side of a dress. Hands roamed above half-ditched clothes and over naked skin, mouths found the familiar sensitive spots. Like a clockwork, they were winding each other up. Her body knew how to react. Lena felt all the signs of arousal, the tension was building up in her groins, her nipples hardened, sweat pooled in the valley between her breasts, her heartbeat quickened. The lightheadedness was new but welcome. It took away the edge from the numbness in her chest. Lena closed her eyes and let herself fall into the attention that her neck received, the licking, the nibbling, the occasional light bite.

„Kara,“ Lena sighed.

The nibbling stopped. A breath cooled the moist traces left by a tongue.

„Who is Kara?“

Lena’s eyes shot open. Her heart missed a beat and picked up its speed tenfold.

„What?“

A wrecking ball crashed through the balcony door. Lena and Natalie separated in shock. Natalie was left in a less than graceful position on the couch. Lena shot upright and tried to hitch up her dress again. The wrecking ball unfolded itself and there stood Kara clad in black combat gear, the same garment Agent Danvers was wearing the day Supergirl crashed in Lena’s office. Kara was soaking wet from the rain but ready to strike. Frantically, she looked around the room.

„Lena are you all right? Who is attacking you?“

„No-one is attacking me. Ka… Supergirl, what are you doing here?“

„You are not in danger? Then what is playing havoc with your heartbeat?“

„My heartbeat?“

Someone cleared their throat.

Both Kara’s and Lena’s heads shot towards Natalie. The woman gave a little wave with the fingers of one hand and the other one held together the unbuttoned blouse.

„That would be me. Supergirl, it is an honour to meet you in person, although I hoped it would be in less delicate circumstances.“

Lena buried her face in her hands and groaned silently. She heard Kara’s embarrassed apology with the assurance the DEO would take care of the damage she caused right away, some scattering of glass. A swoosh.

Someone touched Lena’s shoulder. She lowered her hands from her face and looked around. Kara was gone. In front of her stood Natalie with a buttoned-up blouse, her handbag over her shoulder, shoes back on her feet. She gave Lena a warm, knowing smile.

„Someday, when you know the ending, you have to tell me the whole story.“

Natalie kissed Lena on the cheek and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and left.

The rain dropped happily through the gape in the window.

Lena’s phone bussed, flashing out a text message to her.

**[Alex:]** We will be there in 10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear reader, I’m sorry. This was probably as awkward to read for you as it was to write for me. But please remember: In stories everything gets worse before it gets better… 
> 
> The last scene between Lena, Kara, and the third party was the image that promoted me to write the story in the first place. Everything else developed around it and the story keeps changing on me and presents itself in a circles. I already had written a very early draft for the next chapter, but the mind set of the characters in the draft didn’t fit the mood I was conjuring up in the chapter you've just finished, so I decided to make a separate and independent one-shot out of it: [Priorities](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839587). I already posted it a while ago but I hope you might enjoy it after this roller-coaster ride.
> 
> Take care! Until next time.


	5. Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena talks with Alex. Kara talks with Kal. And finally, finally, Lena and Kara talk face to face.

„We have to stop meeting like this.“

This night became more bizarre by the minute. The sister of the woman who just fled from a scene where she caught Lena red-handed having sex with a stranger oversaw the repair of the damage said sister caused in a misguided rescue mission. Did Lena forget something? 

Agent Danvers stepped out of the private elevator that led directly into Lena’s penthouse. Four agents in black, unmarked combat suits hovered in the agent’s shadow. The combat suits were the same style as Kara’s substitute suit. 

They armed with heavy toolboxes and a spare sheet of security glass.

Looking anywhere but into Agent Danvers’s eyes, Lena took in her outfit. Unlike her colleagues, Alex Danvers was wearing tight jeans, a figure-hugging top under a leather jacket and high heels. Of course, the agent had a private life. Kara had mentioned a girlfriend. Maggie, was it?

„I'm sorry that this misunderstanding ruined your plans tonight, Agent. It seems Supergirl and I interrupted a date night.“

Agent Danvers gave Lena’s makeshift repair of the broken glass door a once over. Thank the heavens for duck tape and painting protection foil. Raindrops travelled lazily along the surface. The foil budged to the force of the wind, tugging at the restriction of the tape. Only Jess would know, why the tape was pink and sported prancing unicorns. With a glance at the tape, Agent Danvers bit her lips and waved at the fellow agents to start working. Lena watched them pass by with big eyes.

„Don’t worry. Maggie was called back to work ten minutes before Supergirl contacted me,“ Agent Danvers said.

Lena huffed out a laugh. „I’m also sorry that you are reduced to do maintenance work at this time of night, Agent. I didn’t realise that the DEO was equipped to handle this kind of repair work.“

Agent Danvers only shrugged.

„That comes with the territory of working with Supergirl. We had to branch out and learn new skills after Kara came out.“ She gave Lena a sideways glance. „But it’s not something we do just in any situation.“ Agent Danvers suppressed a smile. Lena waited for her to elaborate on that matter, but she only said: „At least she only broke the glass, not the frame. I guess, even for you it would be difficult to get maintenance to take care of this at this hour.“ 

Agent Danvers’s was wrong in that respect. The emergency maintenance crew of her building was very efficient and fast. But she was glad that a familiar face was here. Usually, Lena would call her best friend in situations like this, but that was not an option in this case.

Ever the efficient agent, Alex Danvers reached into her messenger bag and presented a thick stack of paper held together with a heavy foldback clip. Post-it notes with the print ‚sign here‘ stuck out every few pages. „I also used the opportunity to get these from the DEO.“

Lena sighed. „I was wondering when you would approach me with an NDA now that I know Supergirl’s everyday-identity.“ She reached for her tumbler and the whiskey bottle to top up her drink. „May I offer you one while we got through this? Or do I compromise your integrity with the temptation of alcohol while you are on duty?“ Lena presented the bottle to her guest.

Agent Danvers inspected the label and let out a low whistle. She looked towards the broken window and shook her head. „Not a crime scene.“ She raised her voice. „Vasquez! Can you take care of this?“ 

An affirmative grunt came from a shorthaired female agent. Agent Danvers nodded, and Lena got a new tumbler to serve the treat to her guest. She gestured toward a pair of armchairs at the other end of the room. They sat down. Lena reached for the paper stack and started to scan through the NDA. It seemed standard enough; nothing out of the ordinary given the circumstances.

Agent Danvers sniffed at the whiskey, took a sip, and sighed. She watches as Lena got up to get her fountain pen designated for signing documents. Lena knew it was only a matter of time until Kara’s sister wasn’t able to hold back her curiosity any longer. 

Agent Danvers cleared her throat. _Ah, here we go._ „So I’m a little bit of a loss here. What exactly happened here? Supergirl was kind of vague when she called me. You weren’t attacked? Kara only thought you were and sprang into action?“ Alex gazes around the living room. She registered the abandoned half-emptied whiskey tumbler on the coffee table by the couch. Lips stick stuck to its brim that was certainly not Lena’s colour. „What made her think you were in danger?“

Lena swirled around the amber-coloured liquid in her tumbler. „She said something about my heartbeat.“ 

„Your heartbeat speed up? What were you doing?“

There was so much Lena needed to learn about Kara now that she knew that Kara was Supergirl. Her sister reacted as if it was the most natural thing in the world that Kara had responded to Lena’s heartbeat.

Lena took a sip.

„I wasn’t alone,“ she mumbled into the glass and glanced at her guest.

Agent Danvers’s face was blank for a moment, then she nodded to herself. „Oh. Awkward. So I wasn’t the only one who’s date was interrupted.“

Lena watched the progress of the four agents with great interest. „It wasn’t a date.“ She could feel how Kara’s sister gave her a look. „It wasn’t a one night stand, either.“ Not that it was any of Agent Danvers’s business, but Lena felt compelled to set things straight with Kara’s sister who looked at her with a lifted eyebrow. „Agent, are you familiar with the concept of friends with benefits?“ How much information was too much information for your best friends sister? „Why am I telling you this? Why are you here, Agent, and not with Kara. Doesn’t this situation call for an emergency sister night?“

Agent Danvers chuckled. „First of all, please call me Alex.“ She waved her drink. „As I said, this is not a crime scene and I’m not here as an agent. You could say I’m here as a good big sister. Kara already had a fair share of sisterly face-to-face time after her break-up with Mon-El. Right now she needs some advise from her cousin.“

One little offhand statement and Lena’s head was swimming with a thousand questions. But she settled for: „She broke up with him?“ as casually as possible.

Alex smirked and said: „Yes.“

_Screw the pretence._ Alex seemed to be able to read her like a book anyway. Lena leaned forward in her seat. 

„When? Why? What kind of advice does she need from Superman in this situation?“

Alex chuckled again and shook her head.

„This is a conversation you should have with Kara. My advise is that you two should talk as soon as possible before any weird feelings manifest and this misunderstanding develops a life of its own.“

Lena opened her mouth to protest, but Alex held out her tumbler once more. 

„Right now, I would like to pick your brain on–“

With a little frown, Lena obliged and poured Alex a second helping.

#

**_A few hours later in Metropolis…_ **

„Kara, what are you doing here? Why are you not wearing your cape?“ Kal whispered. 

In different circumstances, Kara would laugh. The mighty Superman was in his stripped PJs, wearing a fluffy white bathrobe and wool slippers on his feet, yawning. Kal closed the balcony door gently behind him from the outside and adjusted a pair of glasses that were not there.

Kara drummed her fingers against the balcony door frame. She had hoped that enough time had passed between her departure from the DEO and her detour to the eternal ice before she came to her cousin’s doorstep. The time difference between National City and Metropolis should have worked in her favour. Apparently not. She still arrived too early. It was five a.m. local Metropolis time. Well, it was what it was. _Sorry, Kal_. Kara needed answers. 

„I need help with something, and you are the only one I can ask.“ She sighed. „Believe me, I wouldn’t ask you if there was anyone else. This is kind of personal. We have never talked about stuff like this before.“ She shuffled her feet. Kal just looked expectantly at her. „I tried, I really really tried.“ Kara swallowed. „My mother’s AI is not programmed to help me with emotions nor is there enough data in the database on this subject in the fortress of solitude.“ 

Talking to her mother had proved to be futile. Alura’s projection looked with a blank expression at a spot somewhere just over Kara’s right shoulder and kept repeating with a stoic voice _I’m not programmed to answer that_ no matter how often Kara rephrased her question. It was hardly a surprise. The AI drew its knowledge from her mother’s living memory. Alura had never been to earth and therefore had no experience with the super-hearing of heartbeats. But Kara had to test all options. Her hope had been with the knowledge database in the Fortress of Solitude only to be disappointed again. The recorded knowledge on earth was extensive but did not cover this little freak phenomenon. Kara’s last straw was the only other Kryptonian she knew, who lived on earth longer than she had.

„What do you mean? Kara, calm down and tell me what seems to be the problem.“ 

Kara gave Kal a long stare, wrapping her arms around herself. He nodded to no-one in particular, opened the balcony door, and invited her into the kitchen. Kara followed him inside. There was a slight resistance somewhere around her hip and a mug fell. She caught it in mid-flight. With a slight panic in his eyes, Kal put his index finger to his lips. Lois was probably home and fast asleep. He turned around and closed the kitchen door that led into the apartment and offered the seat at the kitchen table to Kara. 

„You know, you can always talk to me,“ he said with a quiet voice.

Kara took a deep breath. „I need to know if you have the same experience as me with your super-hearing and if there is a deeper meaning to it“, she said.

A crinkle formed between his eyebrows. So this was what always gave Kara away to Alex. Kal rubbed his forehead. 

„All right. Super-hearing, kind of personal. I’m all ears.“

Kara decided to ignore the pun and dived into a wordy explanation of how she could hear and identify the heartbeats of people who are close to her. Kal nodded along while preparing coffee.

„So there is this one heartbeat I hear all the time. I cannot not hear it, except when I blow out my powers. At first, I didn’t know whose it was. It didn’t match Alex, Eliza, or even James. It was a new one, but I found out whose it is, someone very dear to me.“

Kal sat a mug of steaming hot coffee in front of her.

„I know what you are talking about. There is one heartbeat with me wherever I go.“ He found some milk and sugar for her. „I had fallen in love before I met her. It didn’t start right away, but it is Lois.“

„I knew it.“ She clapped her hand on the table. The spoon in her mug clunked. Kal shushed her and glanced at the kitchen door. In a low voice, Kara added: „Do you know why?“

He sat down and leaned forward. „Like you, I sought answers in the Fortress of Solitute and found nothing. My guess is as good as yours.“

She dipped the edge of a sugar cube into the coffee and watched how the brown liquid bled into the white crystals. 

„Humor me.“

The cube fell into the coffee.

„Well, I don’t know if this–“ Kal taped a double beat to his chest with his fingers. „–is an earthly manifestation of Kryptonian mating customs and the heartbeat points you in the direction of your one true mate like Matricomp did on Krypton. I don’t know if it works this way for us on Earth.“ Kara stirred her coffee, listening to Kal. „Hypothetically speaking - if Lois and I break up, will I continue to hear her heartbeat even though I find a new partner? Who knows? Not that I want to find out.“ The sugar cube had long deserved completely. Kara kept stirring. „It could simply your subconscious locking onto the person you most care about?“ Strong hand stilled her restless stirring. A little whirl kept going in the mug, taking the spoon for a spin. Kara looked up at Kal. „All I know is: this is about love. Not the first rush of falling in love or having a crush. This is the real thing.“ A beat. „At least I like to think so.“ 

Kara wasn't sure which of Kal's explanations she preferred.

„Does Lois know?“

Kal barked out a laugh.

„Yes. And the knowledge freaked her out on so many levels starting with privacy concerns and ending with fear of commitment. But we pushed through and look where we are now.“

Kara gave him a sad smile. 

„So how do you think Mon-El will react?“

She pursed her lips. „It’s not Mon-El. We broke up.“

„Oh? I’m sorry.“ Kal squeezed her hand. „So who…?“

For a millisecond - a Kryptonian on earth could move mental mountains in that time span -, Kara was tempted to tell him. This was an important bonding moment with her cousin. Never had they ever such an honest and intimate conversation before that wasn’t about their super-identity. Kara starred into her coffee mug. But she had to stay focused. This wasn’t a family issue. She raised her hand to interrupt him.

„I will tell you in time, but I want to talk to them first. It’s complicated.“

Bottom line was, she had developed a bond with Lena. If there was only the slightest chance that it went both ways, Kara just had to plough through the complications - Lena’s date, her coming out as Supergirl - and everything should be fine. Shouldn’t it?

Kara took a sip from the coffee.

#

The city was quiet. There had been no Supergirl emergencies since the White Martian attack, nothing the NCPD couldn’t handle. That was luck; Kara didn’t want J’onn to jump in for her just because Supergirl had nothing to wear. Winn was still working on her new suit but it seemed that he had hit a glass wall in his progress. The lack of a suitable suit didn’t stop Kara from going out and flying over the City. Currently she hovered in mid-air, the dark DEO combat suit camouflaging her during the blue hour.

A seagull flew past her, screamed at her. Shouldn’t it find somewhere to rest at this time of the evening?

Kara was floating over the city for pure recreational purposes. Alex didn’t like that Supergirl was out and about without her uniform, but Kara needed to clear her head. Alex told her to talk to Lena as soon as possible to avoid making things weird. Kara knew that Alex had told Lena the same, but Lena hadn’t tried to contact her. 

The love thing was big. And the outing, too. Kara wanted to know more about what she was dealing with before she faced Lena. Or so she told herself. Therefore Kara continued her research on the heartbeat. If she couldn’t explain it fully, she could at least observe it. 

She certainly wasn’t avoiding Lena. 

_Be that as it may._ With her latest observations on the heartbeat, Kara was also able to verify what she already knew to be true. The heartbeat stayed with Kara every second of the day. And she had tried everything she could think of to test the hypothesis of the ever-present heartbeat. Distance? She went to the Fortress of Solitude and heard Lena as clearly as if she was standing right beside her. Aldebaran rum? The alcohol only made her even more attuned to Lena. Visiting Barry under false pretence in another universe for a few hours? _Meh._ The heartbeat was kind of muffled but it was there. The only time Kara couldn’t connect to Lena was when she blew out her powers. All the other times, it lulled her to sleep and pulled her into the morning together with her coffee. She heard it under the shower, while waiting for aliens to go rogue, or while eating potstickers.

Potstickers where only half as delicious when Lena wasn’t there to scold Kara for not eating her greens.

Kara also learned a lot about Lena. It took Kara a bit of trial and error to be able to interpret the different rhythms of Lena’s heartbeat to be able to picture what she was doing. The heartbeat was strong and steady when Lena was in a board meeting, it was like the oars of a galley when she was working in her office, it was calm when she tinkered in her lab, and elevated while she exercised. Lena needed to do a little bit more cardio, though. The nightly rhythms were tricky to decipher. The double-beat started low and deep and then it suddenly made a jump. This is how Kara learned that Lena had nightmares. More than once, Supergirl rushed over to Miss Luthor’s apartment only to find her tossing and turning in her bed. She checked every time with her X-ray vision to be sure not to disturb at an inconvenient time. 

Kara shook her head. She didn’t want a mental image of Lena being intimate with someone else. The one real life experience was enough. Learning more about Lena’s heartbeat had told Kara one more thing. Lena hadn’t met with the woman again. Office, exercise, lab, sleep, repeat. Lena hadn’t strayed from that routine since Kara got back from Metropolis. Kara had not believed Alex at first when she texted her between Kara’s visit to the Fortress of Solitude and the conversation with Kal. Alex was obviously drunk during that exchange. Kara took out her phone and reread it.

**[Alex:]** I thought you would like to know It wasnt a

**[Alex:]** date

**[Alex:]** the thing you interrupted so rudely 

**[Alex:]** and she didn’t know about your break up with Mon-Mike.

**[Kara:]** What do you mean?

**[Alex:]** psst… she comes back

**[Kara:]** Are you still at Lena’s? What are you doing there?

**[Alex:]** I live here now. 

**[Alex:]** My good stuff is her bottom shelf stuff. (Popping champagne bottle emoji)

**[Alex:]** Shhh…don’t tell Maggots.

Maggots? No, Kara certainly wouldn’t tell Maggie that Alex drunkenly let Autocorrect butcher her girlfriend’s name. 

_Focus!_ Lena’s heartbeat was like a butterfly. It happened now and again over the past three days but never lasted long. There was not pattern to its occurrences. It always seemed random, like the blip on a radar. Kara never had been able to identify the source of this upbeat in the rhythm. Was Lena nervous about something?

Kara went back to the main menu of the messenger app. There was a small movement a few rows below the conversation with Alex. _Lena Luthor writes…_ it said for a few seconds. Then the info text vanished and reappeared. Appear, vanish, repeat. Kara bit her lip. Was Lena as nervous about talking to Kara as Kara was about talking to her? What had Lena to be nervous about? She wasn’t the one who kept a major secret from her best friend.

Airborne, Kara lowered herself a few feet and turned on her axis. She ignored the red sun-set over the National City’s skyline, the kind of sunset that usually reminded her of the days on Krypton. Not today. Today she squinted towards the top floor of a business building at the window right under a giant ‚L‘. The silhouette of a woman with a high ponytail stood out against the backlight of the daylight office lamps. Her face was illuminated by a phone screen. 

#

**_At the same time in a top floor office under a giant ‚L’…_ **

In her first year at boarding school, Lena arrived with a package of mature Irish cheddar. After reading her favourite poet’s biography, she believed that the best way to conquer her nightmares induced by the coldness of Luthor Manor was to record her dreams in a notebook. Eating cheddar before going to bed had been the catalyst to make her dreams more vivid or even cathartic. Strangely enough, it had worked. Lena’d needed the cheddar and the notebook only for the first year. In her freshman year at MIT, she started free climbing to tackle her fear of heights. The muscles she’d gained in during training were long lost but she wasn’t afraid of heights anymore. She had left a great love, Jack, to take over the family business with the intention to transform it into a force of good. Lena Luthor had teamed up with Supergirl, her family’s alleged nemesis. And she faced her brother’s and mother’s death threads and schemes. _Veni, vidi, vici._ Lena Kieran Luthor was someone who wasn’t afraid of confrontations and addressed her fears. 

Still, here she was, just staring at a phone display and deleting the latest of countless unsent messages. Not that Lena had been able to phrase an eloquent text to Kara.

Why was it so hard to face Kara after been caught in the act with Natalie? There is no shame in having a healthy sex drive as a single woman. Technically, she didn’t do anything wrong. Wishful thinking aside, Kara and Lena were best friends, not in a relationship. Lena didn’t cheat on Kara. As far as Lena had known, Kara had been with someone else. Only later, Alex had told Lena about the break-up. 

So, why?

Who was she kidding? The sex was supposed to affect her like getting drunk: it was supposed to make her forget her pain, her loneliness. The decision to meet with Natalie had been a lousy one. Lena knew that. She had used sex, had used Natalie like alcohol. And Kara had witnessed that.

Lena had no script for a situation like this, no experience to draw from, no frame of reference what so ever. Nothing. 

The most confusing part was Alex’s reaction to the whole fucked up mess. Alex Danvers, self-appointed protector of Kara Danvers, didn’t seem to judge Lena. Alex’s words - her very, very few words - on that matter were words of compassion, not words of pity. Alex had even urged Lena to talk to Kara.

Lena wished that her heart could send out some kind of Morse code to summon Supergirl, to summon Kara. Would Kara even come and listen to what Lena had to say to her?

A movement outside the window made Lena look up. Kara was hovering in mid-air a few inches above the balustrades. 

Lena’s heart missed a beat. Kara reached out with her hand but froze in the gesture. She swallowed and pointed at the balcony door with a pleading look in her eyes. This was unexpected. Lena carefully placed the phone on the desk, gave a slight nod. She strained out her blouse and opened the balcony door. 

Kara landed in front of Lena. 

They stared at each other, the wind blowing through the open door.

„You are not wearing your uniform. Doesn't flying around without it endanger your secret identity?“ Lena’s voice wavered. It wasn’t the best opening line. At least the silence was broken.

„I was careful. No-one saw me.“ Kara fiddled with the hem of the black combat jacket. „Winn is still trying to fix the suit.“

Lena nodded. Kara opened her mouth. Only the wet sound of a tongue that came loose from the roof of the mouth came out. A breath. 

„Kara…“ „Lena…“

Both huffed out a laugh.

Lena reached out, but let her hand drop before she touched Kara. „Please let me go first.“ Images of Natalie in front of her, the explosion of glass, the expression of utter shock on Kara’s face flashed through Lena’s mind. She covered her mouth with a hand. „I’m sorry for the other night. You shouldn’t have–“

Kara took a step closer.

„No, Lena. Stop. Whatever you want to say, stop. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who jeopardised your… uhm… evening plans.“ 

Lena ducked her head. „Kara.“ It wasn’t more than a whisper. Kara bowed down and softly guided Lena to look up again. It was the first time Lena actually looked into Kara’s eyes since she landed in the office. They were warm and kind, and Lena knew that Kara and she were able to leave that episode behind.

A trembling hand reached for glasses that weren’t there. „Anyway, there are two things I have to apologise for. Starting with Mon-El’s behaviour towards you when you ran into him. Alex told me, you met him in my apartment. He shouldn’t have been there. I broke up with him, but he thought that he could win me back, that I was only confused by blowing out my powers.“

„I know. Alex told me.“ Lena swallowed. „It is not your fault. You are not responsible for his behaviour or his decisions.“

Kara looked like she wanted to argue. Finally, she said with a cautious smile: „You brought me soup.“

„I brought you soup“, Lena answered in a quiet voice.

„Thank you.“ Kara offered her hands and Lena took them. „I’m sorry that I wasn’t the one who told you that I was Supergirl.“

Lena wanted to say that it was okay, that she had a full grasp of the concept of secret identities. Lena knew that at the end of the day, her secret identity was what kept not only Kara safe but also those who are associated with her. Lena wanted to tell Kara that it was fine. 

Instead came out: „Why didn’t you?“

Kara tried to withdraw her hands, but Lena held onto them. 

„Well, there are the obvious reasons like your safety. But also I wanted our friendship for me, for Kara Danvers. I’m more myself around you than with anybody I know, except Alex.“ Thumps caressed over the back of Lena’s hands. „Unfortunately, I made an error in reasoning. Since Snapper fired me, I realised that I’m not only Supergirl or only Kara Danvers. I’m both, everything in between and more than the sum of the individual parts. I’m Kara Zor-El, last daughter of Krypton.“ Kara took a deep breath. „And you, Lena, you can only know the real me if I show you everything about me. And I want you to know the real me, Lena, you have to believe me.“ The grip on Lena’s hands became stronger, but never too much. „I hope, I didn’t f–fudged it up. I hope, you still want to know me. Please believe me when I say, I’m sorry.“

The pleading in Kara’s eyes was almost unbearable. Lena’s heart, that traitor jumped out of her breast. Still, Lena conjured up her CEO mask, pursed her lips. Kara held her breath.

„Love means never having to say you're sorry,“ Lena said in a stern voice.

Kara gaped at Lena for a few seconds, threw back her head, and laughed. Yes, it was a quick and dirty move to defuse the tension and slip in her feelings for Kara in the Trojan horse of a movie quote. But it had worked. Kara laughed with all her body. She even blushed.

„I knew it. It was a good idea to introduce you to _Love Story_ ,“ Kara said after she calmed down. Lena giggled. Solemnly Kara added: „I trust you with everything I am, be it Kara Danvers or Supergirl. I think I can prove it to you.“

„You don’t need to prove anything to me.“

With a little bit of luck, Supergirl wouldn’t be called away. They had so much to talk about. Lena went to close the balcony door.

With a little spring in her step, Kara followed in Lena’s tracks.

„Hear me out. You’ve been so supportive when I tried to figure out how I wanted to continue as a reporter. If you are up for it, you can help me with a Supergirl issue. It is something you even might enjoy immensely. It involves engineering work.“

Lena raised an eyebrow.

„Continue.“

With a sparkle in her eyes, Kara dragged Lena over to the couch.

„OK, so…“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way: the poet with cheese was Elizabeth Bishop.


End file.
